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#40710 - 07/25/04 09:32 PM
Re: Just watched the CATWOMAN press screening.
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 5869
Loc: Instead of looking at the girl...
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Quote:
"Catwoman doesn't belong on the big screen. It belongs in the litter box or to be scraped off the bottom of our shoes as we head quickly for another theater." -- Connie Ogle, MIAMI HERALD
"Despite its feline pretensions, Catwoman belongs to another animal family -- it's either a dog or a turkey. Take your pick." -- James Berardinelli, REELVIEWS
"A movie needs more than a few sexual innuendos and throaty purrs to keep us from taking a catnap." -- Jami Bernard, NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
"Over-the-top and mostly preposterous, Catwoman just might be the Mommie Dearest of comic-book-based movies." -- Robert Denerstein, DENVER ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS
"Tired and dated." -- Roger Ebert, CHICAGO SUN-TIMES
"The Showgirls of superhero movies." -- Robert K. Elder, CHICAGO TRIBUNE
"Most of the movie has the cruddy lighting and generic, death-by-franchise atmosphere of a third-rate spectacle that's been worked over by too many hacks." -- Owen Gleiberman, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
"Get out the kitty litter." -- Peter Goddard, TORONTO STAR
"Every odorous frame before and after [the 'outfit'] can be safely consigned to the litter box." -- Rick Groen, GLOBE AND MAIL
"You'd never know Berry is an Oscar-winning actress -- her performance as Patience is downright amateurish." -- Eric Harrison, HOUSTON CHRONICLE
"This plodding, by-the-numbers superhero flick has all the feline grace of a walleyed mastiff." -- Mark Holcomb, VILLAGE VOICE
"[A] sloppy, dull, brain-dead waste of a movie." -- Phoebe Flowers, SOUTH FLORIDA SUN-SENTINEL
"Arguably the worst superhero film ever made." -- Jay Boyar, ORLANDO SENTINEL
"Catwoman has all the appeal of a hairball." -- Jeffrey Bruner, DES MOINES REGISTER
"Swordfish; Gothika; this howler. Best Actress winner Halle Berry is getting dangerously close to exhausting her nine Hollywood lives." -- Larry Carroll, FILMSTEW.COM
"Law & Order: Feline Investigations Unit." -- Sarah Chauncey, REEL.COM
"Cheesy special effects, under drawn characters, simplistic writing (by a committee of scribes) and music video direction will likely draw the attention-deficit crowd" -- Robin Clifford, REELING REVIEWS
"This is one of the strangest and most fearsome of big-budget summer movie blockbuster wannabes: a film without an audience. " -- Rick Curnutte, THEFILMJOURNAL.COM (OHIO)
"To cattily paraphrase from the Superman tagline - 'You won't believe a woman can purr!'" -- Michael Elliott, MOVIE PARABLES
"A stinky hairball on the soiled rug of the summer blockbuster schedule, gruesome enough to have been ejected from the esophagus of Bill the Cat..." -- John Beifuss, COMMERCIAL APPEAL (MEMPHIS, TN)
"Here's a movie that has nothing going for it except good bone structure." -- Joe Baltake, SACRAMENTO BEE
"So much talent wasted. So much money squandered. So much opportunity missed." -- Winda Benedetti, SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
"Catwoman should be a fantasy fest enjoyed by every fetishist and dominatrix in the country. " -- Bob Bloom, JOURNAL AND COURIER (LAFAYETTE, IN)
"So bad that I actually recommend you see it. It's the movie you and your friends will rip on all summer long." -- James Brundage, FILMCRITIC.COM
"Catwoman is not destined to have nine lives." -- Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat, SPIRITUALITY AND HEALTH
"Catwoman has nothing on its mind but random movement and the airing of every lipstick shade from Revlon's Fall collection" -- Jeannette Catsoulis, LAS VEGAS MERCURY
"It's bad enough that not only are careers over, but somebody should be slapped." -- Walter Chaw, FILM FREAK CENTRAL
"Me-ouch! This is going to hurt Halle Berry's reputation as a serious actress." -- Linda Cook, QUAD CITY TIMES (DAVENPORT, IA)
"The result may appeal to Berry's fans but is Catwoman in name only." -- Duane Dudek, MILWAUKEE JOURNAL SENTINEL
"Halle just hacked a hairball all over the summer boxoffice. And it ain’t pretty." -- David Foucher, EDGE BOSTON
"Spayed and declawed update of the oft-told DC Comics tale." -- Scott Foundas, L.A. WEEKLY
"Most respectable comic-book plots rely on a genius scientist gone insane, an alien invader or the like as villainous foil. In Catwoman, the bad guy is a cosmetics company." -- Ted Fry, SEATTLE TIMES
"Feels as if it’s been pieced together from a dozen or so Ally McBeal parodies posing as hip-hop videos." -- Ed Gonzalez, SLANT MAGAZINE
"Those looking for anything approximating a storyline along with their jigglefest will just have to keep dreaming." -- Edward Havens, FILMJERK.COM
"Catwoman is stillborn in this resurrection, no matter how sweet the Berry." -- Bruce Kirkland, JAM! MOVIES
"...makes me long for the quiet dignity of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s performance in "Batman and Robin."" -- Jeffrey Lyles, GAZETTE (MD)
"Not even the sight of Halle Berry brandishing a whip while wearing a barely-there black leather catsuit is enough to excuse this campy exercise in bad filmmaking." -- Sean McBride, SEAN THE MOVIE GUY
"The complete absence of a distinct visual style robs Catwoman of its imagination and wonder. It looks and feels utterly flat, which is the kiss of death in this genre" -- Mike McGranaghan, AISLE SEAT
"The best thing that I can say about it is that at least Halle Berry has an Oscar and will probably survive this act of poor judgment." -- Mervius, FANTASTICA DAILY
"Big-budget cheesiness built around the idea of getting Halle Berry into a sexy outfit" -- Scott Nash, THREE MOVIE BUFFS
"...a repeat viewing of Spider-Man 2 would undoubtedly be a better idea..." -- David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS
"Catwoman should never have been made." -- Stefan Halley, HERO REALM
"Catwoman mixes its messages, but it mixes them with style." -- Chris Hewitt, ST. PAUL PIONEER PRESS
"Yes, this is a movie about killer cosmetics. Once you stop laughing at that, there's much more nonsense to endure. " -- Daniel M. Kimmel, WORCESTER TELEGRAM & GAZETTE
"If Halle Berry keeps this up, she's going to have to give that Oscar back." -- Loey Lockerby, KANSAS CITY STAR
"Leave this kitty cat in the alley where it belongs." -- Jeffrey Lyles, GAZETTE (MD)
"The film drags at 91 minutes, filled with dead air that should be crackling with pulp energy." -- Maitland McDonagh, TV GUIDE'S MOVIE GUIDE
"When you have Berry in a Catwoman costume and Stone in a catsuit, and you can't even stage a decent catfight, why make a Catwoman movie at all?" -- Sean Means, SALT LAKE TRIBUNE
""Catwoman" is kitty litter." -- Nell Minow, MOVIE MOM AT YAHOO! MOVIES
"French director Pitof exhibits an approach to filmmaking as one-dimensional and pretentious as his own name." -- Jon Niccum, LAWRENCE JOURNAL-WORLD
"You gotta be kidding me." -- Austin O'Connor, LOWELL SUN
"Seems destined to join Showgirls and its ilk as a fast-starting and even faster-fading theatrical release that could enjoy an afterlife as a midnight movie and video/DVD item where viewers supply alternate dialogue." -- Kirk Honeycutt, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
"Catwoman is dragged down by a paper-thin story, the predictable number of fight scenes executed at equally predictable intervals and stock, unmemorable characters." -- Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST
"[A] laughable disaster." -- Lisa Kennedy, DENVER POST
"There isn't an original bone in its body, but that isn't even the problem: no one in the production had any idea how to rip off better films with any degree of competence." -- Eugene Novikov, FILM BLATHER
"If one good thing can come out of this film, it's that this should provide an everlasting blueprint for what not to do with a comic book film." -- Jeff Otto, IGN FILMFORCE
"Catwoman is fully as terrible as you guessed it might be." -- Tom Long, DETROIT NEWS
"It's not even campy enough for a good laugh." -- Bob Longino, ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION
"A purr-fectly ridiculous and boring cat-astrophe." -- Lou Lumenick, NEW YORK POST
"Watching [Halle Berry] run around in that getup I felt embarrassed, the way I do for people who put on makeup before climbing a StairMaster -- it's too much." -- Wesley Morris, BOSTON GLOBE
"This wretched film is nothing but an excuse to show [Halle Berry] wearing that skimpy leather suit." -- Bill Muller, ARIZONA REPUBLIC
"The summer that gave us what is arguably the best comic book movie of all time—Spider-Man 2—has now choked up what is arguably the worst. " -- Jeffrey Overstreet, CHRISTIANITY TODAY
"Halle Berry is doing herself no favours with a screenplay so routine it seems to be trying to go unnoticed." -- Mark Palermo, COAST (HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA)
"After Gothika and now her turn in this Catwoman, it seems like Berry's career may be headed toward the litter box." -- Mary F. Pols, CONTRA COSTA TIMES
"Overtly bad (and unintentionally funny) enough to become a camp classic." -- Dustin Putman, THEMOVIEBOY.COM
"Watching claws being scraped against a chalkboard apparently isn’t any more enjoyable than listening to it." -- Kevin A. Ranson, MOVIECRYPT.COM
"Catwoman meows, purrs, and hisses, but mostly just sucks." -- Alex Sandell, JUICY CEREBELLUM
"A cynical and taxing trip through a thoroughly artificial world of obnoxious action, empowerment cliches, R&B cross-marketing and teeth-gnashing asides." -- Steve Schneider, ORLANDO WEEKLY
"I've never cared much for cats anyway, but this clinches it. Next time I see one, I'm going to kick it into the river." -- Eric D. Snider, ERICDSNIDER.COM
"Cartoonish effects and overacting make this more corn than catnip." -- David Sterritt, CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"Less like a comic-book movie than a feature-length S&M video...Let's just hope Warner Bros. gets this feline spayed to prevent a sequel." -- Frank Swietek, ONE GUY'S OPINION
"Another phony story of female empowerment." -- Bruce Newman, SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS
"The screenplay is flat and predictable, and bad dialogue prevails." -- Claudia Puig, USA TODAY
"Awful adaptation of the comic-book character created by Batman's Bob Kane." -- Steven Rea, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER
"Plays like a Lifetime movie on estrogen overdose, barely held together by a script that should have been tossed out with the kitty litter." -- David Rooney, VARIETY
"A clawless cross-breed of comic book movie cliches." -- Lisa Rose, NEWARK STAR-LEDGER
"Directed by a Frenchman with the single, not uncatlike name of Pitof, Catwoman is a howlingly silly, moderately diverting exercise in high, pointless style." -- A.O. Scott, NEW YORK TIMES
"The movie suffers from the opposite of a syndrome affecting most comic-book spin-offs." -- Jeff Strickler, MINNEAPOLIS STAR TRIBUNE
"Benjamin 'Box Office Ebola' Bratt is in this movie. The last time Ben was in a star vehicle it was Julia Roberts' Cadillac Escalade." -- Mark Ramsey, MOVIEJUICE!
"A dopey, confused production." -- M.E. Russell, OREGONIAN
"The haphazardly cut-together action scenes have been 'enhanced' with laughably bad digital effects; you could find screen savers with better animation." -- James Sanford, KALAMAZOO GAZETTE
"A beyond-awful movie destined for any theater still running 'midnight movie' nights." -- Chuck Schwartz, CRANKY CRITIC®
"It is just, for the most part, another run-of-the-mill craptacular destined to be forgotten in a couple of weeks..." -- Peter Sobczynski, CRITIC DOCTOR
"The cinematic equivalent of a cat box." -- Bob Strauss, LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS
"Catwoman is almost unbelievably dumb." -- Gary Thompson, PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS
"Catwoman is destined not for a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fate but for immortality as one of the subtlest, most thorough parodies I've ever seen." -- Lawrence Toppman, CHARLOTTE OBSERVER
"This Catwoman's super power is dressing up Halle Berry in a sexy leather number and still leaving audiences snoozing." -- Christian Toto, WASHINGTON TIMES
"The worst superhero movie to date." -- Jeff Vice, DESERET NEWS, SALT LAKE CITY
"She can do everything a Spider-Man can, but worse. Much, much, much, much worse." -- Willie Waffle, WAFFLEMOVIES.COM
"Worst of all is how it never defines Catwoman – is she fighting for good and balancing that with cattish outbursts of bad, or just looking for an open can of tuna?" -- Brian Webster, APOLLO GUIDE
"Catwoman looks and feels like something culled together by a committee of greedy and inexperienced first-time producers. And horny 14-year-olds." -- Scott Weinberg, EFILMCRITIC.COM
"The stench of the litter pan is all over this big-screen $90 million disaster-in-waiting." -- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE
"Any way you look at it, Catwoman disappoints." -- Philip Wuntch, DALLAS MORNING NEWS
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#40716 - 07/25/04 11:20 PM
Re: Just watched the CATWOMAN press screening.
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/20/03
Posts: 5256
Loc: CSW Wrestling - Gracie Academy
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