...because you sound like a cop! You have ENTIRELY too much to say in your add, and any whore worth her salt would smell the sting WAAYYY before she felt it. In particular...

"full-contact...$250 for a 30-minute session...additional services, we can adjust the compensation accordingly...work...$500 an hour. Extra compensation if you're into anal...

...You want to pay a girl to come over and kiss you, use the K.I.S.S. method...

-Keep It Simple Stupid