There were 14 alcoholics at tonight's meeting, including a relative newcomer and an experienced AA from Dallas, Texas.

Step Eight - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

This was the easiest step for me. I was fortunate in several ways. One, this did not scare me when I first came to AA. I was on the one day at a time regimen, and I didn't look this far ahead. I figured things would take care of themselves in time, or I could deal with it or not. I didn't have any terribly difficult amends on my list either, so fear was not a big factor for me. But my experiences are shared in the attached file, as well as a couple controversial opinions. This space is for the group.

A few members echoed Bill W.'s 12 x 12 (the AA book, "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions") by saying forgiveness is at the heart of this step. Not them forgiving us, but us looking past harms done to us, to get to the place where we honestly want to right the wrongs we have done. The nature of harm was also discussed. The 12 x 12 was quoted, the part where Bill describes harm is very broad. We gave several examples of things that we put on our lists, but our sponsors said no amends were needed. In my case it was not keeping up with old friends, my sponsor asked if they had kept up with me. Well, obviously, no. Duh.

Any discussion of 8 and/or 9 must include the disclaimer that this is a sponsorship step! I, and my group, stress this. Newcomers often tangle a much more painful web when they go out early, on their own, and try to make amends. Doing this in an appropriate time and manner is something that requires the preparation of the previous steps and an experienced guide!

Two members, including the new lady, were currently working on their first fourth step, and passed. I am sure they benefited from our discussion, the new lady more than Bill, who nodded out. But, that's OK, see next week's topic.

The only discussion of the mechanics of this thing, which I find important, was 4 or 5 people saying they followed the vague Big Book (the book titled, "Alcoholics Anonymous") line that amends could be classified as ones we are ready to make, ones that will take a little preparation, and ones we are currently unwilling to make. I guess this must have worked for thousands and thousands of alcoholics, but I laid mine out differently.

George said something important, "This is a list, not a script." Hank said there is no point of even thinking about amends until you have worked 6 and 7 and become willing to not do the offending behavior again, many agreed. It is pointless and painful on both ends to say, "I'm sorry," and do the same thing again.

Some folks said they were "sorry people" who felt responsible for everything that ever went wrong. Sponsorship resolves this fairly quickly. Several expressed that total willingness for all their amends did not come until the next step was underway, or in many cases, until several more years had passed. Also, (again stressing sponsorship!) the best we can do in some cases is just leave the person alone. We should not try to heal ourselves by opening the wounds of others. Along these lines, many of mine were when I was overseas in the service, in a different state, or the person was dead. So in these cases, making the list, reflecting upon these harms, and having a sincere wish to mend the relationship, along with putting the matter in front of my sponsor, is the healing. I feel this step was more beneficial to me than the direct amends in step 9.

This step also has a financial component, and this part works, too. Be willing to pay the money back, or make a payment plan and stick to it. But in my case, for one creditor, I needed to start making payments immediately, I did not dodge responsibility because I was not on this step yet. That is not an excuse for newcomers. Also, the bullshit about telling other AA's, "Well, I'll put you on my 8th step," is just that, bullshit. The second part of the step is willingness, we must take actions. But, that is a discussion for step nine.

Our recently departed member Tommy used to speak about shame when we came to 8 and 9. He was spot on. Shame will get us drunk, and these amends steps are a small price to pay for a lifetime of freedom. Remember, the "promises" from pages 86 & 87 in the Big Book come after step eight - we will be amazed before we are halfway through.

Next week, the first Thursday of the third month, Tradition Three - The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Keep Comin' Back,
-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy