It is still cold and sloppy here, we only had 11 people at the meeting. Doris H. celebrated 21 years of sobriety.

Step Four - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

All 11 of us have done a fourth step. It was mentioned how important it is to attend meetings and hear others share about this step, to see that many others have gone through with this. To some, it seems like an initiation, the big hurdle to get over to get into the club. Truly, it is, it is time to get serious or get drunk.

People shared about how things had happened to them in childhood, and they had a hard time figuring out their part in it. Their part was carrying the events into their lives 30 years later, letting these things consume them. The women in the meeting shared about shame, how shame will get you drunk, and how the process of inventory and sharing with someone else helps to get rid of shame.

Dave shared about how it was feeling like shit about himself that kept him drinking. We must take an honest look at where we've been, and who we are, to cut some of these mountains down to mole hills. Once we take stock, and clear the air about sometimes embarrassing or tragic events, we begin to see how we can build a good, sober life.

A worksheet thing from a Dallas workshop was passed around, to much amusement, and a couple members told about all the 4th step guides that seem to abound. General feeling is that these get in the way more than they help. In general, our first fourth steps tended to be autobiographical, and subsequent inventories focused more on specific current areas.

It was pointed out that the hardest part is starting, once you take pen to paper, it starts to flow and get easier. I shared about how I could only write for about an hour at a sitting, and making an appointment to do step five forces us to wrap thing up.

Honesty is the big thing here. It is time to get honest with ourselves, to take a hard look at what we have done and become, and get a vision of a way forward. When I hit upon my biggest resentment, my evil stepmother, I had enough faith to realize this process would grant me freedom, I didn't need to drink over her anymore. Later, I would gain additional freedom from childhood issues, as I peeled the onion of self-awareness. This is the beginning of a process that really works.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy