What's-her-face Helen Mirren, the English actress, looks terrific nude past 60. Sophia Loren looked awfully good at 70, too. Amber Smith's mom-and-future just looks awful.

Here's Helen Mirren, age 60:



Va va voom!

Here's 71 year-old Sophia Loren:



One generally invests in an Amber Smith-type hottie on the expectation (hope?) that she would hold up as well as those two ladies. Seeing the tragic fate that awaits her, well, it's a wood-killer.

I, of course, just get better and better looking with age (see photo, left).

My Gammie's dead. If she inspires boners, it's in real sickos.