Where's the revenge for guys born in 1968? I'm sick and tired of the constant teasing by jean manufacturers, flip flop makers, and the snickering that goes on behind my back by the dude who invented thong panties. I started out "normal" and now I eat women's poop holes and stuff my mouth with their feet. I enjoy things that smell and have become Rob Schneider's charter from The Animal.

It's no picnic being a pervert. Really, it's not. I don't even want to discuss the cost of installing the revolving door at my place. My old door operated 2 ways but this new one is from the New York subway system. It allows you one way access but bars you from going all the way around.