Like Kurt Lockwood, I am a multiple AVN award nominee. Not sure why I have not won more awards but I am sure sick and tired of going to a certain high-ranking staffer's home for career "motivational" meetings. I can only say that this person likes the Ramones....wink, wink. Emily shared a tip with me on what I had to do and let's just say you can ignore all other nominees for Best New Starlet this year. I am made to endure unspeakable acts of degradation and was told this was B roll for some movie called SLAVE 3.14159265. It's about an ultra-submissive math geek who gets used and abused by a Judas Priest fanatic.

But I digress.

My point is that this high-ranking official told me stories about you, Gia. Intimate, detailed stories. It's clear to me now why you hate Ryan Knox so much. I would hate him, too, if he impregnated me and left to pursue a career in reverse bukkakes. Get over him, Gia. He hurt you but it's you he thinks of when he takes that last golden shower. You are pissed off, yes, but he is pissed on. You are both suffering.

I'll arrange a reconcilation between you two this week.