I have done research on the hair vs. no-hair debate that was overshadowed for the past 2 years by the chin-wagging of Obama and McCain. The data clearly shows that the hair allows delicate aromas, textures, and flavours to be preserved and savoured.

I appreciate a hairy female asshole as much as a shaved one. You should, too.

My self-funded research has extended for more than 11 years. So much has been learned, yet so much more remains to be discovered. A portion of each purchase of the SHE IS HALF MY AGE series goes towards further research. I know that times are tight, as are many of the subjects of my study, but it must continue with protological urgency. Now I can't afford to make a bunch of ads like those do-gooders at the Salvation Army or the United Way. All I can do is show you the dingleberried fruits of my labor and ask you to do the right thing the next time you are shopping at your favorite adult superstore.

To get our porn ladies in the holiday spirit, I am offering complimentary prostate exams to all women 18-25. Out of respect for those with latex allergies, rubber gloves will not be used. Reserve your place today. Priority given to models nominated for Best New Starlet.

In other news, I am extremely dismayed by what is coming out next month from JM Productions. They are complicit in the release of HOOKERS AND BLOW #3. This piece of crap contains the following disturbing and highly unerotic imagery. Said imagery must be removed immediately in accordance with GAPES (Generally Accepted Protocol of Erotic Sinema (sic)).







I CALL UPON THE MANAGEMENT OF JM PRODUCTIONS TO REMOVE THESE ASSHOLE-DISTORTING CUMFARTS IMMEDIATELY. THIS SLIPPERY SLOPE IS CAUSED MAINLY BY ALL THE WASTED SEMEN AND IT IS THE FIRST SIGN OF YOUR COMPANY FREEFALLING IN CONJUNCTION WITH OUR ECONOMY.

STOP THE MADNESS BEFORE A VEIN BURSTS IN THESE CREAMED COLONS.