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Anyway if you're serious and not just being rhetorical or venting, then an online forum (let alone THIS one) probably isn't the best venue or format to get the most helpful answers, well-meaning as people may be.
Sigh - people need to read the backstory with the search function.
da Burg has always been the wheelchair-bound Harvard grad who made some money and has now retired to a life of drunkenly pursuing strippers and porn whores. Nothing wrong with the schtick.
Anyone living on retirement savings is going to be mesmerized by the market gyrations: it's like 1987, only with the market crash spread out over a week or two. Some people have never been through anything like it before and are in a panic. (and bizarrely view 6.1% unemployment as being very high)
This now rates are only the *third* worst year I've had so I'm just waiting for everyone to calm down and realize there just might be some stocks with value like IBM, Wal-Mart, Boeing, etc. All the world does not consist of worthless investment banks.
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"If they can't picture me with a knife, forcing them to strip in an alley, I don't want any part of it. It's humiliating." - windsock