Quote:

My parents are English so I didn't get braces (go figure) and by the time it began to bother me I was too old and too vain to wire my teeth up.



Did they at least let you brush your teeth once in a while? Did they make you by your own tubes of Crest because they didn't see any need to indulge you with frivolity?
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"Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken."