"What should I have done when encountering a turd in the ass of pretty woman?"

I do not know what you should have done. But I can tell you what you could have done.

Squeeze some lube in her ass, put on a rubber and start fucking her. After some minutes, your rubber-covered dick should be showing some shit traces. Then switch from her ass to her pussy and repeat the process for a while. This would be a nice lesson for the bitch.