There is a god, there really is a god.

Sadly this will be the only contribution the Chefs make to the NFL this season. Now would someone explain to me how Randy Moss thinks this is a dirty play. Did he take a blow to the head sometime during the game?

"Belichick said his players are taught to hit quarterbacks between the knees and shoulders."

I'm stealing a post made by another member of a K-State sports forum because it is utter brilliance.

"Now, let me tell you why this is karma.

The sports gods are funky creatures. Actually, they aren't gods as there is only One True God, but they're kind of like voudon loa or demi-gods or perverted versions of Catholic saints.

Anyway, one day the sports demi-gods looked on poor little Boston back at the beginning of this century and said, "Know what? We kind of feel sorry for you guys. It's been ages since the Celtics were any good. Your Pats have been doormats forever, and when you finally broke through the Pack punked you in a Super Bowl. And let's not even start on Boston. Let's do something nice."

So behold, they granted the Patriots a Super Bowl in the 2001 season. It was a dramatic, gutsy performance, and everyone cheered, and it was not lost on the masses that these were the "Patriots" during a time (post 9-11) when patriotism was at an all time high.

And Boston said, "Thank you, oh thank you, sports demi-gods. We honor you."

Then the sports demi-gods said, "Okay, since you're such swell fans, and since your baseball team has suffered forever, we're going to give you a World Series. Only, we're going to get you there in such dramatic fashion that it will wipe away forever all memories of Bucky Dent and Bill Buckner and Aaron Boone and all those other cursed years when a New York team had your number."

And when the Red Sox fell behind to the New York Yankees three games to none in the ALCS, the Beantown natives said, "Fear not. This is our team. The sports demi-gods have promised us, and we honor them."

And lo, the Red Sox came back from three games to none and swept the Yankees, wrapping the series 4-3, and went on to sweep St. Louis the World Series.

And then the Boston fans became greedy. The Red Sox World Series came right on the heels of the Patriots second Super Bowl. And they wanted another Super Bowl so badly that their coach started videotaping the opposing team, which is why the Patriots offense managed to have the perfect screen against every one of Jim Johnson's tricky blitz packages in Super Bowl XXXIX.

And then the Red Sox went out and won another World Series.

And suddenly, the Boston fans didn't honor the sports demi-gods anymore. Suddenly, the Boston fans were running around drunk and naked shouting, "BEANTOWN, BABY, BEANTOWN, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!"

And lo, the Patriots began a quest for the perfect season because three Super Bowls weren't enough.

And lo, the Celtics began a quest for their return to greatness because all those banners in the rafters weren't enough.

And so the sports demi-gods warned them, "Be careful. We're still in charge. And just to show you we are in charge, we are going to make a football stick to David Tyree's helmet in the Super Bowl just to keep the New York Giant's game-winning drive alive, and you're perfect season will be all for naught."

The Boston fans said, "Game-winning drive? No way the Giants hang with our mighty Patriots offense in the Super Bowl."

And the demi-gods said, "You forget, you are not allowed to videotape the other team's sideline. And this time. your offense is facing a defensive coordinator who was on the staff off that Philly team you dismantled with your cheating and tactics in Super Bowl XXXIX. Without your cheating and your videotape, you will not be able to beat those blitz packages.

And the sports demi-gods were right, and the New York Giants won the Super Bowl.

But the Beantown natives were unfazed. They forgot that they were what they were because of the demi-gods, and they still thought that they were the greatest thing in the world.

And when the Celtics won the NBA Championship, it was worse.

"BEANTOWN, BABY! BEANTOWN!"

And I think I heard one Bostonian say, "Yah, I'd give back the three Pats Super Bowl wins for this last one just so we could have the trifecta of sports this year and rub it in everyone's noses!"

Finally, the demi-gods said, "We have had enough. See Tom Brady's leg?"

"No, not Tom Brady! He's a good guy! He's done nothing to offend you."

"Just as the One True God ordered the destruction of the women and children of the Midianite tribes, so must your most golden of iinnocents be made to suffer so that you, ungrateful Bostonians, remember what it is to suffer!"

So let it be written. So let it be done.

Beantown, the day of reckoning is upon you.



Oh, and Aerosmith is overrated."

COMMISHUNAH GOODELL, YOU MUST SUSPEND THE FACKING SEASON!