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Happy birthday Burg-- I didn't realize we are both virgos (not that I buy into the astrological BS, it's just a way to mark close birthday dates). My birthday is tomorrow.

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Yes I recall your birthday is right after mine....and yes, I also recall you are a virgo. This means that, as much as my penis might wish otherwise, and as much as I respected you for your mind and ENJOYED listening and hanging on your every word, it would never work out between us beyond good friends (with or without benefits .) I had this escort named Aurora who was totally into horroscopes and astrology, and claimed to have been given the gift of prognostication by a Fallen Angel named Horrace (I shit you not...this chick did MASSIVE amounts of coke for years and then just up and quit about 2 years ago, but by then the damage was done, to her brain anyway..her looks surprisingly held up.)

Anyhow, last year when I saw her she asked me about any romantic interests...I said nothing concrete, but there were a couple of "reaches" i had been entertaining. I told her about this blond chick I had been getting to know who seemed almost too good to be true. Aurora then asked me for her sign...I said Virgo, same as mine. She stopped what she was doing and said "Bah, forget it...Virgos NEVER make good partners for other virgos...its like having two Pegs, but no holes, or vice versa." Refusing to read anything into the Peg-hole analogy and the fact Holly makes Porn, I still accepted Aurora's analysis and resigned myself to forgetting about a trophy wife named Holly Randall-Burglar, and I regressed back into just using Holly for whack off purposes in my head.

Respectful Whack off purposes mind you....


Since then, however, i have read a couple other astrology pieces of bullshit and seen where virgos DO in fact make good partners. So maybe 10 years from now, when I am 50 and Holly is 40 we can elope in Tahoe or Kansas City or someshit....

Anyway, Happy Birthday Ms Randall....here's hoping Manuel Ferrara takes you out to lunch and cums all over your face, but breaks his leg in his excitement and ends up in a wheelchair for a week to 10 days ...