Thanks to all who wished me a happy birthday, especially the person nice enough to start this thread >>>> to properly honor her, every male viewing XPT should immediately drop their pants and whack off thinking only of GiGi's gaping asshole, wide open in front of their pricks, while she scrubs your filthy fucking toilet with Tidy Bowl Super Sponges, TWEAKED THE FUCK OUT of her mind in total pleasurable bliss...

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may his special day be full of drugs, whores and cake!

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What's fucked up is: what would actually make the day "special" is if it WAS NOT filled with <all of the above>....

For my birthday, I'm testing a theory (but it actually wont happen until Saturday night)...I have asked the only true, bonerfide, CLOSEST-THING-TO-AN-ACTUAL "madam" I know in the Greater New England area for a decidedly AVERAGE looking whore referral, a woman in her mid 30s-and-up; a middleage average whore that still has the chutzpah and wherewithal to be on a top notch roster...I've been on a rant lately here at XPT about shallowness and the over emphasizing of looks, so I am holding myself to it...it still might not be a fair test, because according to the madam, the whore she is sending my way, while not exactly pretty, isnt quite "ugly" either and has a nice body. I suspect she is also going to be incredibly enthusiastic, intelligent and totally kick-ass nasty/raunchy/heart attack-hott...she must be, in order to be able to compete with all the morally bankrupt, 20-something hotties who are too lazy or too in debt to be working normal paying jobs these days. Should be interesting....Of course, as Grandpa Burglar always reminded me, "Son, no chick is totally ugly when she has your dick in her mouth..."

In the meantime, the absolute best gift so far is some of my younglings taking advantage of a half-day at their school and coming down to make me lunch. I was served a crooked peanut butter and jelly sandwich, 3 (THREE) cheezit crackers, 2 carrot sticks and a warm can of ginger ale with one ice cube in a dixie cup. Delicious...



MODERATORS: Someone move this thread to AWOSP or the SHIT LIST though, it is OBVIOUSLY non CAGEy.