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Max Online: 911 @ Yesterday at 02:49 PM
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#357606 - 09/02/08 04:59 AM
Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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Da Burglar!!!!! may his special day be full of drugs, whores and cake!  *<]:) (<----birthday hat)
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#357607 - 09/02/08 08:12 AM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/30/08
Posts: 7599
Loc: a site known for its tolerance...
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Bonne Fete, my two-wheeled ami...
_________________________
"I'll never forget the moment during the lovely Alyssa Allure's scene in 'American Bukkake' where the fellow got out of his wheel chair to ejaculate on her face. It was grotesque but had a certain frisson." -Sock
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#357609 - 09/02/08 10:45 AM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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Happy Birthday Burg.
I hope you get to enjoy a proper black & white drunk-a-thon today. And if you aren't that into drinking I hope you have a wicked day anyway.
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#357610 - 09/02/08 12:24 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Happy Birthday Turdlar! May your booze be cold and your whores hot.
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#357611 - 09/02/08 12:53 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 1166
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happy birthday crippled michael stipe
_________________________
"You're disgusting, you Caligula-esque mother fucker.
But I like your avatar, so you get a pass. "-Chilledstoli
If you're normal, people will accept you... but if you're DERANGED... they will make you their leader! -Christopher Titus
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#357612 - 09/02/08 01:05 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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Happy B-Day! Remember don't drink and drive, let the whore/stripper push your wheelchair around instead.
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#357614 - 09/02/08 01:56 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Gay For Pay
Registered: 03/07/06
Posts: 1059
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Happy birthday roller boy!!
I look forward to your next long winded diatribe.
_________________________
Honestly, I don't know...I'm torn. We haven't talked since AVN (other than the hearing in February)- Eric on Bree Olson
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#357616 - 09/02/08 02:35 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 4856
Loc: The 4th International
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Happy birthday, Burg. Have a good one!
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The only thing you got that I want, is your suffering.
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#357617 - 09/02/08 02:36 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Pervert
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 2204
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how come you never wish me happy birthday geegee?
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#357618 - 09/02/08 02:44 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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because you hate me
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#357620 - 09/02/08 02:59 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Sláinte Mhaith. 
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#357621 - 09/02/08 03:09 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Human Garbage
Registered: 03/14/08
Posts: 1613
Loc: Liqour Hole, Kentucky
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Happy Birthday Burg! All the best!
_________________________
Being Canadian is not a disease. It just feels like one. TUP
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#357622 - 09/02/08 03:19 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
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#357624 - 09/02/08 04:19 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Pervert
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 2204
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Quote:
because you hate me
i dont hate you geegee who gonna tell you lies like that?
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#357626 - 09/02/08 04:43 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Pervert
Registered: 04/21/04
Posts: 2204
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Quote:
oh come on, guapo. you're so full of shit   ... oh, wait 
geegee i still got nothing but love for you even though you the one who full of hate.
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#357627 - 09/02/08 04:45 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Thanks to all who wished me a happy birthday, especially the person nice enough to start this thread >>>> to properly honor her, every male viewing XPT should immediately drop their pants and whack off thinking only of GiGi's gaping asshole, wide open in front of their pricks, while she scrubs your filthy fucking toilet with Tidy Bowl Super Sponges, TWEAKED THE FUCK OUT of her mind in total pleasurable bliss... Quote:
may his special day be full of drugs, whores and cake!
What's fucked up is: what would actually make the day "special" is if it WAS NOT filled with <all of the above>....
For my birthday, I'm testing a theory (but it actually wont happen until Saturday night)...I have asked the only true, bonerfide, CLOSEST-THING-TO-AN-ACTUAL "madam" I know in the Greater New England area for a decidedly AVERAGE looking whore referral, a woman in her mid 30s-and-up; a middleage average whore that still has the chutzpah and wherewithal to be on a top notch roster...I've been on a rant lately here at XPT about shallowness and the over emphasizing of looks, so I am holding myself to it...it still might not be a fair test, because according to the madam, the whore she is sending my way, while not exactly pretty, isnt quite "ugly" either and has a nice body. I suspect she is also going to be incredibly enthusiastic, intelligent and totally kick-ass nasty/raunchy/heart attack-hott...she must be, in order to be able to compete with all the morally bankrupt, 20-something hotties who are too lazy or too in debt to be working normal paying jobs these days. Should be interesting....Of course, as Grandpa Burglar always reminded me, "Son, no chick is totally ugly when she has your dick in her mouth..."
In the meantime, the absolute best gift so far is some of my younglings taking advantage of a half-day at their school and coming down to make me lunch. I was served a crooked peanut butter and jelly sandwich, 3 (THREE) cheezit crackers, 2 carrot sticks and a warm can of ginger ale with one ice cube in a dixie cup. Delicious...
MODERATORS: Someone move this thread to AWOSP or the SHIT LIST though, it is OBVIOUSLY non CAGEy.
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#357629 - 09/02/08 05:58 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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#357630 - 09/02/08 05:59 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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happy birthday. cleetus, is that a little "one in a million" i detect in your signature?
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#357632 - 09/02/08 06:16 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
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#357634 - 09/02/08 07:38 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 07/19/07
Posts: 470
Loc: NY
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Have a great day DB.
Keep your dick hard and your powder dry...and the world WILL turn.
(Oops, got that from Platoon, still relevent though)
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#357637 - 09/03/08 05:39 AM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
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#357638 - 09/03/08 07:45 AM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 03/29/08
Posts: 1991
Loc: colorado
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happy birthday to you burg!
ill be thinking of you while im grinding on laps today and tonight
and sing happy birthday to some unsuspecing customer/burg proxy
theyll probaly think ive gone nuts, but thats ok
mwa!
love, pretty
_________________________
"Should send her our way, XPT could REALLY get her warmed up for any kind of abuse she might get later. "- nugent
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#357639 - 09/04/08 12:34 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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#357640 - 09/04/08 06:49 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 4726
Loc: The City That Never Sleeps, Tr...
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#357641 - 09/04/08 08:13 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
I hope you had a special day!
Now you know why, as cripples go, I am Brad Pitt and Enrique Iglesias all in one. What a fucking awful awful site....
Still, more power to the poor bastard....just shows you how FUCKED UP and unfair life really is, and why people who TRULY are obsessing about looks and appearances are not worth shit....
Further Still, however, we really didnt need to see that B...a thousand eyes will say "Fuck You" in your direction before that video is no longer available.
Let's here it for Escorts for the Disabled. What sucks is there are some VAPID, mean, less-than-zero empty whores out there who would not even give that poor guy a handjob for 500 bucks. NOT drugged out whores....here we see WHY whores strung out on smack and Xanax and Oxy are so vital to the sex industry. If it were not for drug addicted women, this guy would be acting out my comic routine of banging a CLUB JENNA (TM) blowup doll in his wheelchair. we would have seen the JENNA doll all greased uop and bent over his desk, and then we'd see from out of the left side of the screen the dude appear like he does except he keeps going forward until his dick "DOCKS" with the CLUB JENNA DOLL's fake Hole.
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#357642 - 09/04/08 08:19 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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I gotta say I love you Burg, you are a great sport. (No Homo)
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#357643 - 09/04/08 09:20 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 1248
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#357644 - 09/04/08 09:30 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 05/06/05
Posts: 1946
Loc: Outer Space
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Happy birthday Burg-- I didn't realize we are both virgos (not that I buy into the astrological BS, it's just a way to mark close birthday dates). My birthday is tomorrow.
_________________________
I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.
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#357645 - 09/04/08 10:52 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
Happy birthday burg!
File this in either the "Fucked up dreams" cabinet, or the "Methadone is Overrated" folder, take your pick:
I had a dream the other night I was giving a sales pitch on a product that i wasnt able to figure out just what it was. I was in a Los Angeles hotel. The room was small yet crammed with people. Then my foot hurt, so I was rushed to the Emergency room where I was told I had to be admitted and have my "Right Paw Amputated" the next morning. In my hospital room, I called Ceara on my cell phone and told her I was in the hospital. She said she would come visit me someday, and I told her to bring her friend Monique. 5 minutes (wtf?) later, she waltzes in my Hospital room with Monique. Now here is where it gets weird....
Ceara tells me I look really cute in my Hospital jammies...I said to Monique "You have nice feet". I then asked her to go get me a pizza because in the hopsital, you become delirious from food deprivation (hospital food sucks.) Monique brought me back a pizza while Ceara just disappeared. I start to eat my pizza when my Doctor comes in and says "MR Burglar! We cant cut off your foot now, you are eating!" "But the operation isnt until tomorrow?" I say, but they take my pizza away anyway.
All of a sudden, Monique goes to my doctor, "Hey i know you from Niteflirt!" My doctor is humiliated and storms out of the room. Monique calls ceara on the phone and tells her what happened. Ceara is now, somehow, back in Oregon and asks me on the phone "So who is going to cut your foot off now? Smelly monkey?" At that moment, my foot falls off and I wake up.....
Anyone care to interpret this baffling sequence of brain waves? I am totally Flummoxed....
FYI -- my right foot/paw is ok.
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#357646 - 09/04/08 11:16 PM
Re: Happy Birthday to...
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
Happy birthday Burg-- I didn't realize we are both virgos (not that I buy into the astrological BS, it's just a way to mark close birthday dates). My birthday is tomorrow.
Yes I recall your birthday is right after mine....and yes, I also recall you are a virgo. This means that, as much as my penis might wish otherwise, and as much as I respected you for your mind and ENJOYED listening and hanging on your every word, it would never work out between us beyond good friends (with or without benefits  .) I had this escort named Aurora who was totally into horroscopes and astrology, and claimed to have been given the gift of prognostication by a Fallen Angel named Horrace (I shit you not...this chick did MASSIVE amounts of coke for years and then just up and quit about 2 years ago, but by then the damage was done, to her brain anyway..her looks surprisingly held up.)
Anyhow, last year when I saw her she asked me about any romantic interests...I said nothing concrete, but there were a couple of "reaches" i had been entertaining. I told her about this blond chick I had been getting to know who seemed almost too good to be true. Aurora then asked me for her sign...I said Virgo, same as mine. She stopped what she was doing and said "Bah, forget it...Virgos NEVER make good partners for other virgos...its like having two Pegs, but no holes, or vice versa." Refusing to read anything into the Peg-hole analogy and the fact Holly makes Porn, I still accepted Aurora's analysis and resigned myself to forgetting about a trophy wife named Holly Randall-Burglar, and I regressed back into just using Holly for whack off purposes in my head.
Respectful Whack off purposes mind you....
Since then, however, i have read a couple other astrology pieces of bullshit and seen where virgos DO in fact make good partners. So maybe 10 years from now, when I am 50 and Holly is 40 we can elope in Tahoe or Kansas City or someshit....
Anyway, Happy Birthday Ms Randall....here's hoping Manuel Ferrara takes you out to lunch and cums all over your face, but breaks his leg in his excitement and ends up in a wheelchair for a week to 10 days ... 
_________________________
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Can I come??? 
Why does the frosting have to be so......brown..... 
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