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Quagmire
Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Life

I'm in a complete quandry regarding my entire life. I am jobless, running out of funds, just wasted thousands of dollars to take a class that, if anything, created more confusion and less certainty in my life.

I have had no idea, whatsoever, what I am to do with my life. I like shooting and would like to continue doing photoshoots, even up to Penthouse style, but preferably more mainstream...which is a hard, if not nearly impossible transition to make successfully. What little experiences I've had shooting recently have not been promising, either and have been pretty disappointing.

Along with this, I've realized I'm going to have to commence, as Hitler put it, a 'cleansing' of sorts of some of the people in my life...though in a more proverbial and conceptual sense. There's been a select few people who have completely and utterly disappointed me lately and let me down in my time of need and it's becoming readily apparent they should best no longer be a part of my life.

I'm now toying with the idea of going back to school, possibly to pursue a career in criminal justice...preferably something along the lines of crime scene investigation. Not quite sure how I'm going to pay for it right now as I've pretty much been draining my wealth during these last few months since I quit working.

I chose to quit the industry, mainly because I was over the whole scene and ready to move on; but also, to a lesser extent, because I was under the false assumption I was in somewhat of a relationship with someone.Well, I'm quickly discovering that was nothing more than a facade or disillusion, possibly on my part, possibly not. I cannot honestly tell right now. Anyhoo, despite all that, I do not have plans on returning to doing porn and have been almost lamenting my ever entering the industry at times because I feel like my impatient attitude could've forsaken a chance I could've had at a mainstream career...but let bygones be bygones and regrets are futile, so no point in that anyway.

So, who knows what the fuck I'm gonna be up to. Just know it ain't this. No more sitting around the house and wallowing in procrastination. Anyway, I must go now. Meeting a friend for lunch and then after that, "The Cleansing" shall commence followed by most likely returning to the unconventional, yet incredibly lucrative side job I'd acquired whilst in the industry that provided me with, at times, an income upwards of $10,000 per week until I can afford to pay for something I vowed never to do...return to school!!!

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