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Quagmire
Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Life

I'm in a complete quandry regarding my entire life. I am jobless, running out of funds, just wasted thousands of dollars to take a class that, if anything, created more confusion and less certainty in my life.

I have had no idea, whatsoever, what I am to do with my life. I like shooting and would like to continue doing photoshoots, even up to Penthouse style, but preferably more mainstream...which is a hard, if not nearly impossible transition to make successfully. What little experiences I've had shooting recently have not been promising, either and have been pretty disappointing.

Along with this, I've realized I'm going to have to commence, as Hitler put it, a 'cleansing' of sorts of some of the people in my life...though in a more proverbial and conceptual sense. There's been a select few people who have completely and utterly disappointed me lately and let me down in my time of need and it's becoming readily apparent they should best no longer be a part of my life.

I'm now toying with the idea of going back to school, possibly to pursue a career in criminal justice...preferably something along the lines of crime scene investigation. Not quite sure how I'm going to pay for it right now as I've pretty much been draining my wealth during these last few months since I quit working.

I chose to quit the industry, mainly because I was over the whole scene and ready to move on; but also, to a lesser extent, because I was under the false assumption I was in somewhat of a relationship with someone.Well, I'm quickly discovering that was nothing more than a facade or disillusion, possibly on my part, possibly not. I cannot honestly tell right now. Anyhoo, despite all that, I do not have plans on returning to doing porn and have been almost lamenting my ever entering the industry at times because I feel like my impatient attitude could've forsaken a chance I could've had at a mainstream career...but let bygones be bygones and regrets are futile, so no point in that anyway.

So, who knows what the fuck I'm gonna be up to. Just know it ain't this. No more sitting around the house and wallowing in procrastination. Anyway, I must go now. Meeting a friend for lunch and then after that, "The Cleansing" shall commence followed by most likely returning to the unconventional, yet incredibly lucrative side job I'd acquired whilst in the industry that provided me with, at times, an income upwards of $10,000 per week until I can afford to pay for something I vowed never to do...return to school!!!

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So, who knows what the fuck I'm gonna be up to. Just know it ain't this. No more sitting around the house and wallowing in procrastination. Anyway, I must go now. Meeting a friend for lunch and then after that, "The Cleansing" shall commence followed by most likely returning to the unconventional, yet incredibly lucrative side job I'd acquired whilst in the industry that provided me with, at times, an income upwards of $10,000 per week until I can afford to pay for something I vowed never to do...return to school!!!

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The Hitler reference is peculiar.

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I chose to quit the industry, mainly because I was over the whole scene and ready to move on; but also, to a lesser extent, because I was under the false assumption I was in somewhat of a relationship with someone.Well, I'm quickly discovering that was nothing more than a facade or disillusion, possibly on my part, possibly not. I cannot honestly tell right now. Anyhoo, despite all that, I do not have plans on returning to doing porn and have been almost lamenting my ever entering the industry at times because I feel like my impatient attitude could've forsaken a chance I could've had at a mainstream career...but let bygones be bygones and regrets are futile, so no point in that anyway.

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Turns out this falsely assumed relationship was....what again? huh? A DISILLUSION....??? A FACADE??? Clearly this chick either allowed every english teacher she had since grade 5 to either finger fuck her (grades 5 thru 7), accept a blow job from her (grade 8 thru 10) and /or FUCK her outright (grade 11 and 12) to pass high school english and graduate....

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why in the hell do so many of these porno chicks want to study serial killers

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to get a little closer to their fans?

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Maybe one of you porno insiders can answer this...why in the hell do so many of these porno chicks want to study serial killers or be CSI investigators and the like?? I swear, this broad is like, the 10th porn chick I've seen that is into that shit. If they don't want to study murder they want to be a nurse or teacher which are superior former porn whore choices (and much more attainable) than fugging, CSI investigator. Bizarr-o.

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Maybe one of you porno insiders can answer this...why in the hell do so many of these porno chicks want to study serial killers or be CSI investigators and the like?? I swear, this broad is like, the 10th porn chick I've seen that is into that shit. If they don't want to study murder they want to be a nurse or teacher which are superior former porn whore choices (and much more attainable) than fugging, CSI investigator. Bizarr-o.

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because they watch CSI CSI:Miami and CSI:New York......lol

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I've just seen her in passing and watched her at this past AVN stumble down the escalator wasted in the Venetian with some not so good looking guy, and they were headed up to their rooms or possibly the same room...

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If that isnt a telling comment I dont know what is...

If that had been David Beckham or Brad Pitt she was stumbling back to her room with, or some Male Dancer from Olympic Garden, that would have been ok and not worth a comment. NOTHING is MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOOKS...and being thought of and perceived as HOTT, and being seen with a partner thats hott. Nothing else matters....

About as deep as a fucking dixie cup....

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My Newest Plaything
Current mood: aroused

I am just here, lovingly admiring my beautiful new toy. A Remington 870 12-gauge shotgun, which I've customized by equipping with a pistol grip kit and barrel shroud...next modification shall be a laser sight.

I can say, unequivocally, that this is most certainly the best purchase I've made since acquiring my Rolls Royce and Breitling Colt GMT timepiece. I've been meaning to take it to the shooting range in Burbank with a handful of friends in tow, yet have not managed to do so. It definitely needs to be broken in though. Unfortunately enough, I have not had a chance to take drunken pictures with it yet as I did with my .22 b.b. gun lol...but I'm sure I will soon enough...so here's a sampling of the few pics I have had a chance to take. Enjoy...I am going to sit here and play with meh gunn a little more. Is it wrong to get so aroused by a shotgun? I think not...lol.

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Category: Life

I've been somewhat obvlious to my life lately. Have not been working, in any capacity, have been spending a little more money than necessary these past few weeks...namely since my birthday...which is somewhat understandable. However, I've not been overly wasteful, though. Which is a major contributing factor to my dismay. I'm completely overwhelmed at this point, seemingly with few means by which to rectify my situation.

Most of my woes are financial-related at this point. The tumultious state of the economy has affected the businesses in which I've found myself. I recently 'retired' from porn, yet am facing the truth I may have to enter that industry once again. If I do return to shooting, you shan't see me in anymore hardcore b/g scenes, however, I may have to start doing girl/girl as I've not been getting any solo, softcore or mainstream work. I really do not want to return to the porn industry, yet see myself with few other options at this point.

Another complicating factor in the whole situation is the makeup school, MUD (Makeup Designory) which I attended over the summer. I recetnly applied for my certificate, only to recieve an email saying I had indeed failed the course due to a lack of attendence. I did show up late a few more times than desired, I guess. Apparently, I have until the 26th to make up the 8 or so hours needed to recieve the certificate, which I may go and investigate doing tomorrow. This, however, is not the main cause of my discontent, as much as is the fact I wasted about three or four-thousand dollars on the class, only to learn I really have no interest, whatsoever, in doing makeup professionally. However, there unfortunately, is absolutely nothing which I can do to revert that decision.

My life seems to all to often be dominated by a sense of disarray and confusion, on my part, which have reached hyperbolic perportions lately. I had been planning on attending UCLA this winter or next year in pursuit of psychiatry...however, have since learned that due to the pathetic state of the economy, student loans are no longer offered. So...hence is another problem. I only hope that I can, at some point in the not too distant future, I can find a way to follow my passions professionally and do something that actually fucking makes me happy in some way, shape or form. That, however, seems an always daunting task. So, for now...I'm going to sit here, wallowing in my quandry of stress and sorrow, watch my DVR'd program about one of my favorite subjects, the history of Colombian organized crime and probably spit out some more of my literary musings as writing often seems to be my only gratifying form of self expression.

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Category: Life

I've blah, blah, blah..... complain, complain, ...more blah ...self expression.

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My odd drunken activities
Current mood: vexed


Wow...I have some unusual habits, to say the least. I got completely wasted yesterday...because it was a Sunday...and that's what you do on Sundays. Anyhoo...I decided to start early, around two or three o'clock. I kept going till about 10pm and because there was no one around to join in the debauchery, decided to indulge myself in a Xanax bar and pass out.

Nowwww...that's when the fun begins. I slept so well, that, this morning I awoke, surprisingly refreshed at the ungodly hour of 6am. To my astonishment, I find a bevy of text messages. At first I thought it was others who'd been drunk-texting me. However, when I go to respond, to my aghast, I see on my iPhone that I had unwittingly messaged them last night.

Now, that wouldn't be amusing if not for the fact that I had apparently fallen asleep and then later awaken...still in a blacked-out Xanie stupor to talk shit and say stupid stuff to a bunch of my friends only to fall back asleep. This had happened once before, except I called people instead. Geez...how embarassing...hyperbolically embarassing, to be precise. Think I'm gonna go hide till the shame dissipates a bit...lol

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so wait, this whore has a rolls royce and a two thousand dollar watch, yet complains that she can't go to college because she can't get student loans? what a stupid, stupid whore.

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you are assuming she bought the watch herself. you know, watch buying is a time honored tradition in some parts.

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This whore doesn't own a Rolls Royce!!!! I've seen the car she drives.

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boring, self indulgent tripe.. how this could even be considered worth READING is beyond me.

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This whore doesn't own a Rolls Royce!!!! I've seen the car she drives.

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Actually she does own a Rolls Royce. She has driven me in it.

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so wait, this whore has a rolls royce and a two thousand dollar watch, yet complains that she can't go to college because she can't get student loans? what a stupid, stupid whore.

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you are assuming she bought the watch herself. you know, watch buying is a time honored tradition in some parts.

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