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Where are the Sex Addicts? NYMPHOS? Porn NEEDS you!
Now, Obviously I'm talking about the fairer sex. Fellas, we already know ALL OF YOU are psycho-sexuals, sex addicts & nymphos.
We get the emails every day. Dozens of them. "Dude! I can fuck hot bitches!" Most of you don't last 2 minutes with a real porn chick.
The biz needs REAL women who routinely wear out 3-4 guys a day and then turn on some porn after booting guy #5 out for the night, grabs a toy and rubs out another dozen earth shattering cums just to be able to fall asleep for a few hours, wake up and do it all over again.
The sexaholics who are routinely late for work because they LOST TRACK OF TIME riding their Sybians, Rabbits and homemade fucking machines trying to get "THE BIG ONE". Or just grinds away on a rubber toy until it melts back into the crude oil it was made from.
The girls who actually ANSWER THE DOOR in something slutty for the pizza guy. And if he's even halfway cute - wipe the floor with him.
Stop laughing! I'm serious!
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WOMAN? We've been running ads for years now recruiting girls to shoot porn. We figured you would all come running.
But alas, it is not to be. What do we get instead?
Girls that just want to do solo. Or Girl/Girl.
Or. Work. With. Their. Boyfriend/Fiance/Husband. Ugh.
Porn is about a woman being fucked every which way for hours while GENUINELY LOVING EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF IT, begging for more and starts RANTING when the director says "Honey, I am SO SORRY - but we're out of tape, it's 3 am, you ALREADY put 3 guys in the hospital from dehydration - for the LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, here's a box of toys! Driver! Take her home!"
NOT "I'm willing to do it for the money - but I don't like sex and I hate men - say hello to my girlfriend Frankie"
Or "Ewwww! - I don't like to suck dick - how long do I have to do this for?"
I talk to producers all day long and we all just do the forehead smack. What are these girls doing here?
I think I know the problem.
"What is it O' Great one?" you ask. "What can you do to save us? YES, we have noticed that porn has gone downhill!"
Well, since you asked and yes, I indeed know the answer. I will share it with you.
It occurs to me that we are all running the same type of ad to recruit girls.
And it's WAY WRONG.
They all say something to the effect of:
" Girls are you hot? Wanna be a pornstar??? Wanna make (insert figure that's beyond comprehension to working class America here)????"
OR "Wanna be famous? Walk the red carpet at the AVN's in Vegas? You could be the next Jenna Jameson!" Etc etc, blah blah.
Now build this little thing called the internet where anyone can communicate with anyone in a millisecond across country at all hours of the day or night.
Now......Flash forward a half-dozen years and what do we see?
We see an industry clamouring for the next "18 year old + a day" girl who is nowhere near being ready for the biz and have to have even the easiest lines SPOONFED TO THEM.
Simple, easy lines like "OH GAWD YESSSSSSSSSSSS ! Just PLEASE fuck me! Yes Of COURSE I mean ALL OF YOU! YES! ANYWHERE! JUST FUCK ME! - Because they have never uttered these words once in their lives and giggle at how silly and stupid it sounds to them.
Why is this so, you ask?
My friend, I submit to you this: They are out of their element. They shouldn't be here in the first place.They are not comfortable in their own skin.
The biz needs women whose sheer insane passion for cock and cum CONSUME HER WAKING THOUGHTS. A woman who dreams, DREAMS about getting banged by the biggest cocks and sprayed with jizz like she's on FIRE and needs any liquid whatsoever to put out the flames.
Such a woman should possess true wanton lust in her heart for for MILES of pipe and GALLONS of associated glandular secretions landing on her face, mouth and body like ARTILLERY SHELLS from the BATTLESHIP NEVADA during the invasion of Normandy on D- Day.
But no. Instead we all gravitate to the lowest common denominator which means 18 year old girls who can barely say their own stagename or read time off a clock being fed their lines one at a time on camera. A million edits. Blank stares. Trembling is so sexy isn't it?
Ugh.
So - to all of the truly sexcrazed females out there:
I IMPLORE YOU.I BEG YOU. I BESEECH YOU.
There isn't much time.
WE NEED YOU TO SAVE THE PORN INDUSTRY!
We need WOMEN who will stay in the biz for more than 3 weeks- not more 18 year old girls who are out the door in 7 days.
I won't bore you with trival details like financial renumeration just yet.
Just know this: If you are truly a sexcrazed female, you will get fucking RICH. Just try not to kill the male talent or kick the cameraguy when you climax so hard you break a leg or ribs would you please?
If I have touched a nerve - or even a funnybone - please email a few pics along with the usual: age, measurements - and a brief essay on why YOU are a sex addict and we'll get back to you.
It's ok. Don't be shy - we have assembled a team to read them.
Best essay wins a contract including representation, website and all the PB&J you can eat.
Thanks!
Frustrated Porn Agent
P.S - all kidding aside now . We're a good, hardworking outfit. We book everybody that's worth booking. We treat the girls right.
Don't worry, we'll protect you from yourself.
We can chain you up at midnight when the full moon comes out and you start hungering for a cockmeat sandwhich.
We are professionals and have been extensively trained to subdue these wanton attacks of lust.
P.P.S If you are absolutely NOT a sex addict, but you can fake it convincingly- that's OK too. =) =)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)
FPA
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