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Stevie, yer still a tool and you STILL look like Scotty Schwarz from The Toy.
Hey Rusty, I believe we have innocence until proven guilty in this country, so might wanna throw an "alleged" in there.
Maybe Jack could do a college invasion at your Ginger University and the girls can connect the dots on your freckles daywalker.
Wow, a guy with a South Park avatar throwing around recycled South Park red head jokes from 2003. Way to stay current. 
EVEN BETTER...how about I get a character vaguely resembling Jack and his "alleged" antics written into a multi-million dollar college movie deal my production team just signed with a major Hollywood company. That work better?
College is so much funner when you get to re-create it for the screen. Thanks for the idea though; I'm already coming up with some amazing jokes for it.
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"I choppy choppy yo pee pee"