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First, can we establish how every fscking person suddenly got a dog? This is getting out of hand. Practically everyone I see has a little dog, or stopping to admire someones dog, or worse, waiting for their dog to finish smelling another dogs ass while they discuss how cute their dogs look.



SERIOUSLY! Having a dog has become some bougouis statement. I have tripped and fallen over so many damn dogs in Los Angeles. People, leave your goodamn animals at home. Look, I love dogs almost as much as Gypsy does, but you wonder why your dog is so goddamn yappy? Because taking you with you every fucking second does nothing about teaching your dog independence. Now it's just as needy and attention whore-ish as you. I hope it shits in your last season's Vuitton bag.

I dog sat last week and my friend returned from whoring in Dubai exclaiming, "Gia, you look so refreshed! That's what you need...is a dog. You are absolutely glowing." No, you dumb cuntbag, I just had microdermabarasion.

I live an an apartment. It would be cruel to a dog. Yes, even if I walked it five times a day. I'm also not a fan of picking up poop. If I wanted to pick up poop all day, I'd p.a. on a porn set. I don't need the burden of dog-proofing my house. The last thing I'd wear are shoes with k-9 teeth marks. I like leaving my closet doors open when I'm in a rush.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K