Here's an oldie but a goodie:
BiSexual Britni* emails:
Twas the night before Donny WRONG The Night Before This-Schmuck
Twas the night before Xmas and Donny, the louse,
That creature was stirring up trouble for my house.
The fuckover stung, but Donny Wrong didn't care;
He had hopes he could run off with more than his share.
The children aren't even sacred in his sick head
His visions of wealth have made him braindead.
He wants to cause trouble for innocent kids
Confuse and abuse them so he can get his.
And from my cell phone there arises such clatter
Donny Wrong called me fifty-five times on this matter
Demanding a paycheck for nothing deserved
He threatens me daily; it leaves me unnerved.
This is the same guy who's addicted to snow
And who can't get it up with a fuck nor a blow
What then to my wondering ears should I hear?
He abuses hard drugs; the rumors are severe.
With a little more charm he'd make up for that dick;
It's bent like a BANANA OR BOOMERANG STICK.
More happens illegal in that shack of his
But his girl's so controlled, she can't be filmed to kiss.
"Now the windows!" he shouts at her, "Laundry! The kitchen!"
But monogamous housewife's no role for that vixen
It sounds like a case of a Porn Stud gone SOFT;
Since he can't get HIS up, he holds DOWN Lana Croft.
Then he beats her as well, the masoganist male...
But he played the wrong game and he went straight to JAIL!
I just hope Lana sees it before very long
That he's not Mr. Right --- no, he's quite MR. WRONG!!
The porn girls can't stand him; they say that he's soulless.
He sees his name everywhere... ON ALL OF THE NO-LISTS!
He can't keep his cock up so he beats on his girl
His complete lack of morals could just make you hurl.
Targeting innocents, threatening babies;
The masoganist dog acts as if he's got rabies.
Attacking and biting at those in his path;
He's so self-delusional, he can't do the math.
Without euthanasia, he's bound to keep biting;
He's just fighting, it seems, for the mere sake of fighting.
If he stays on this route, it would be my delight
To allow him to hurt himself over this fight....
If the boy doesn't quit with his sicko act quick,
New York Joe might acquaint him with his graphite hockey stick
Merry Christmas to all, hope that he sees the light.
SOURCE *Or, possibly,
Dennis Ormond writing as Bisexual Britni. Still pretty funny, though.
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