I am going to share the most fucked up dream I have had in quite sometime...one of those dreams you have that kinda makes a little sense but for the most part leaves you baffled, befuddled, bewildered, aroused, scared, nauseous and embarrassed. I am sharing this because at this point you all have come to expect this of me, my "open book-ness", when it comes to my fucked up sex life and whores and porn and shit...
During AVN AEE 2006, I actually went up to Kelly at the Diabolic Booth and introduced myself and shook her hand....she gave me a nervous smile and offerred to sign the calendar which she was a part of, the page where she has her face totally covered in spooge. I declined the autograph and just said it was nice meeting her and if we met up again later that evening, i would buy her a drink. Ok, so this part actually happened and is REALITY....in my dream however, this is what happens: I was wheeling around the AEE floor with a fifth of Vodka looking for Christie Lee to share it with...I ran into Hillary Scott punching the shit out of Hailey Young in the face while yelling at Hailey for stealing Hillary's wine during a Brandon Iron 50 to 1 (Volume 47) Shoot. Gia J. was photographing the Fight in the background saying the Police will want her pictures as evidence if Hailey (or Hillary) presses charges. I started drinking from my Fifth of Vodka right on the AEE floor when Kelly wells approached me wearing a sign advertising her Escorting services. The sign said "The One and Only Kelly Wells offering a unique Pornstar GFY experience. 1500 bucks per orgasm." Kelly just stood in front of me with her sign smiling suggestively, wearing nothing else...for some reason at this point in the background Gia threw her camera at Hillary and yelled at her "Leave hailey Alone, she is Anorexic and way hotter than You..." (wtf??) Now remember, this is a DREAM....the fifth of Vodka mysteriously changed into a Milkshake, and then a Starbucks Latte. Kelly then tells me that she is sick of loser customers and had heard that i was the perfect client/John, rattling off all the reasons why and all my good points. In my dream, I smelled POT in the air and looke daround expecting to see Little Sister Ceara somewhere, but I did not....nonetheless, Flush with excitement at Kelly wells singing my praises, I asked "Do you want to get together?" She said "Absolutely, and I am giving you your own special deal. If you jerk off into that Latte and give it to me, I will be your date for the next 24 hours...I want to know what its like to be with Da Burglar and I want you as a reference." In My dream I was ecstatic. Then I look over and Hillary and Gia and Hailey are eating Pizza...Then Christie Lee walks by holding hands with Bishop and says "Sorry Burg, can we have a raincheck on getting bombed together? Bishop promised to fuck me in the elevator." (WTF?????) I was momentarily crushed but then I feel Kelly wells unzipping my pants while holding the Latte and she says "Cum in MY FUCKING Coffee you filthy bastard...you are only partially crippled so its like you really are HALF and HALF." Before she pulls my penis out I ask her why her sign says "GFY? Dont you mean GFE for Girl friend Experience?" Kelly's reply "I offer all the perverted loser idiots who pay me to insert their penises into my holes a GO FUCK YOURSELF experience." I woke up in a sweat.
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Are you gonna eat that?