You have no socially redeeming qualities whatsoever. Were you abused as a child? Some kind of physical abnormality? There is help out there man, go and get it. If it helps to talk about it, post it here, you need to get it off your chest. It isn't healthy to hold in all that pent up anger and frustration. So you feel like your life never meant anything, well if you truly feel that way at least admitting it is the first step.