--For Immediate Release--

After a tortuous year of legal problems and a long stretch of jail time, Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis has said “enough” and is turning over his soft porn empire to Donny Long, CEO of Donny Long Productions, effective immediately. “I can’t get a fucking break man,” said Francis. “My legal bills are through the roof. I can no longer be the face of Girls Gone Wild. Every time one of my infomercials runs, somebody says, ‘he looks like an easy mark, I wanna a piece of that.’ And I get my fucking ass sued. Enough. It’s time for a real genius to take over where I left off.”

Long, who was shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond when he got the news, first thought it was an April Fool’s joke. Then he didn’t. Then he did. Then he didn’t. When he was told his yearly salary would be 13 million, Long had an immediate heart seizure and was rushed to Cedar Sinai Medical Center. He is in stable condition at this time.

“I think it’s fucking fantastic man. Girls Gone Wild is huge,” said Long, eating from a plate of green jello from his hospital bed. “I’m going to take the company to a completely different level. Green is my favorite color, so, each boxcover will have my beautiful green watermark and ICQ number across each whore’s ....I mean college student’s chest. I’m also a big fan of the chile fries over at TGI Friday’s, so with every two tapes you buy, I will send you a coupon good for one large chili fries good at the TGI Friday’s near you. Hey, what’s this catheter doing in my dick?”

Due to overbooking, many recent Cedar Sinai patients were moved to the newly built sexual reassignment ward. Staff director Christian “good times” Cash, said “as soon as more beds are available, newly arrived patients will be properly placed.”