There was another thread some time back about the issue of whores and theft, but fuck me if I am going to bother to find it....

Anyhoohow, here is a list as best as I re canmemeber right now of shit that whores (for hire, gold diggers and the odd Legit Girlfriend that I have had since age 18...) have burglarized from Da Burglar.

1 Chainsaw

139 Percocets

768 Altoid Mints Labeled "Percocet" in nondescript Pill Bottles

My Back In Black AC/DC CD

39 Ounces of Pot

My Imported Toothpaste from Norway (Seriously)

A deck of Cards from The Iraq Invasion of 2003

My Sense of Humor on several occasions

Thousands of hours of my time

Attempted theft of one of my Handivans...she made it down to the end of the street, with the ramp still extended out and caught it on a telephone pole. Stupid bitch, but I made money off the insurance, :banalcreamboolaboola:

Pens

My hearing Aid

Various Food Items and dishes that I always have around...this is usually the whores with kids at home waiting to eat something....anything.....

Postage stamps

My Wheelchair basketball "One Shining Moment(s)" Video where I hit the winning three against the cripples from Duluth Minnesota back in 1989 AND also spilled out of my B-ball chair onto the floor making an unreal save. This one hurts.....

Numerous pieces of "Harvard" apparel (Like "Oh suuurree, SHE went to HARVARD...")

My snyder's Buffalo Wing Pretzel Pieces (this doesnt count as normal food items referenced above, these things are what keeps me sober at times like this, when I type shit on XPT or other sites that I otherwise wouldnt be able to express...where the typos end, my munching begins.)

Da Burglarized Burglar Out

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1 Chainsaw

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uh oh ....


There she goes!!!

Nowhere do I see "heart" whores need love too, not just money
Burg.

Whores steal Ceara's weed!! Oh wait... she only thinks they steal her weed; then she finds it in her pocket a few days later.

And to think that the no #1 answer always is WHORES LIE.....

This can also be added to the list!

Thieving WHORES! Or WHORES STEAL…..whatever have you………

Fuck the rest of it, I want to hear about the chainsaw. C'mon Burg: Spill.

Didn't some whores steal your credit cards and were trying to purchase farm equipment? Or was that just regular thieves?

why did you own a chainsaw burg?

Burg when you come down we'll get drunk and install a chainsaw engine on one of your wheelchairs. I got all the shit we need to do it.

Haha- you'll be a HusqvaBurglar

Any of them steal your heart? heh

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I think the bigger problem is that no whore were willing take it, even for money. That gotta hurt.

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In my experience, many girls LOVE to steal hearts only to toss them in the general direction of a random nearby dumpster or sewer grating.

And, I think many guys may do this to girls as well.




As to how this applies to tranny midgets, CLICK HERE!

i had this kick ass neon green christmas ornament from the drug enforcement agency and some cracked out redheaded bitch named amanda stole it.

I had a whore in Las Vegas(who hooked me at the topless pool at Caesars) steal a bunch of those Chocolate Poker Chips they sell in the gift shops. I don't know if she stole them because she was hungry or because it was sorta dark and she thought it was four $100 chips.

A fucking ho ass stripper/hooker from South Carolina stole my Billy Thorpe "Children of the sun" album!

Phatboy!!!!!! I missed you! How are things, man?

I'll PM yoy so as not to hijack the thread....Oh...That same bitch ass hooker stole my 3D porn collection and the 3D glasses that went with them!
Is there nothing more shameful than stealing a mans prized 3D porn collection?

any updates to the original list, Burg? i have to imagine that with time you've only become more adept at anticipating that little telltale glimmer in their eyes, reacting with the pass block before the thought's even been formed. or at least have the good sense make them clap continually while out of your sight so you know where their hands are.

i had a whore make off with an imported italian coffee table once like a hysterical child, though i guess she wasn't technically a whore. then again who knows. but about $1800 worth- it weighed more than she did so i'm thoroughly convinced she had help.

amazingly i got the thing back without lifting a finger. turned out she loved her mutant pet more than the table, at least after turning a concerned ear to my idea about squeezing all the oxygen out of it like it was a tube of toothpaste.

some chick took off with my docs once. drank all my beer too. raunchy cooter heh.

Bitches always used to steal my jackets. No, they weren't homeless, they just liked to borrow them, and then they'd never give them back. And I had some cool ones...

Pffft....this is a neverending saga. But in the recent past, things have been relatively stable. I think this is primarily due to my having only "seen" a small, elite group of whores since the first of the year, along with a quasi-relationship with a spend happy trauma nurse from Atlantic City from January through June of this year (a friendly game of on-again-off-again JOYFM romance....JOYFM = J ust O pen Y our F ucking M outh ). The chance and likelihood of blatant whore theft just wasnt as prevalent as other periods of my life...although I must say, some of the dough I blew entertaining and being a gentleman to the nursey nurse from AC felt like I was being robbed, after a fashion. Consider:

With some gold-digging whores, the experience can still be quite pleasurable. It isnt a straightforward "pay for the whore's company/gobbling skills" arrangement where you give the chick 1500 bucks plus tip plus dinner plus quality time with Burglar; it's more like take her out to dinner, and then a moon-lit boat ride along the coast, followed by (or preceded by) a shopping interlude where you get her a new dress or some shoes or earrings or (???), with the prospect of repeating the whole experience the next time she is off work...Now, if the girlfriend-whore (a "GFW" instead of a "GFE") is truly exceptional, as well as smart AND a quality slut, she will perform her duties and obligations and generally hold up her end of the deal with aplomb and some kick-ass raunchy filthy memorably addicting sexual antics and cum gobbling. She will do all of the "little things" like massage your nuts, stick her tongue up your pisshole, hold her mouth open & lock eyes with you in between sucking/jerking/talking the splooge right out of you and, before swallowing your reproductive fluids, she will take your hand and place it on her throat so you can feel the reflexes of her swallowing and take your other hand and place it on her tummy to symbollically feel the "splashdown"...

However, if she is just a real simple selfish sociopathic twat, she will do the bare minimum of sex and act like she is doing you a favor by allowing you to blow money on her throughout the night. She might even completely ignore you physically and/or complain of headaches. Now, in my nursey nurse's case, she was genuine in her "friendship" but totally flunked when it came to taking care of her end of the debauchery equation...she didnt duck out of it or fail to give it a good effort, she was just remiss when it came to being able to perform what was required of her in this superficial romantic farce: She repeatedly allowed herself to get BOMBED during the evening so that, when it came time to get down with the gobbling, she was a wreck...one time she even committed the (almost) unpardonable sin of puking on my wheelchair footrests. This type of golddigging "GFW" is what I call the passive-agressive bitch...she doesnt mean to fail in keeping up her end of the arrangement, she is just not conscientious. A true, BONERFIDE, slut-whore who KNOWS the secret to her continually getting paid by Burglar is one who is conscientious about keeping the gobbling intense and hott. Then, I dont mind blowing whatever reasonable amount of money the evening's activity calls for....if not, then I am better off calling a straighforward Whore-for-hire.

From what I have gathered from anecdotal (i.e. Eric) sources here at XPT & elsewhere, Bree Olsen seems like to kind of golddigging girlwhorefriend you DONT want; XPT's own Gian Jerkinz seems like she embodies the important quality of CONSCIENTIOUSNESS (she refers to it as "servicey") that I am talking about as being highly desirous in a whore, whether it be straightforward whorishness for sale, or as a girlfriendwhore (GFW), or as a mistress, or as a live-in onsite on demand cum gobbler/cum dispossal unit. Moxxie Maddron would be another prime example....Cameron Keys doesnt gobble but she certainly has the right "tood" when it comes to being a whore.

I am going out on a limb here.....but really the question is "what do they not steal" or they steal whatever is not tied down!

Motel 6....the REMOTE to the TV is embedded in the nightstand.

I stole a phone from a Motel 6, once. It was huge, and a cord phone at that. But it had a reeeeaaally cool light that lit up when it rang. It rang VERY VERY loud too. My dad hated it. I had it for a few years and I used to doodle all over it. The end.

There was a small theater closing down in NYC , I bought a bunch of useless things. One thing was a dirty stained fake fur coat for 5 bucks, but low an behold a whore stole it. I had it on a hanger in the bathroom at the studio. I figured back then maybe it would be good for a pee scene or something. Then like many said if its not glued or nailed down ,it'll get stollen. I guess these "PornStars" turn into "PawnStars" as a side gig.

Funniest thievery I heard of: A friend worked with a guy that drove a tow truck at night. Every now and then when there were no calls, he would steal ATM. He'd break into a convenience store, wrap the tow line from the truck around the ATM, then get in the truck and floor it. Couple blocks away, he'd stop and winch the machine onto the bed of the truck. When he finally got popped, he was in a high speed chase with police, dragging the ATM behind the truck. It was swinging around the street, side swiping cars, etc. Must be a cool story to tell the other inmates.

^that reminds me of a smart thief. Years ago in Paramus,NJ some guy built a false front to a bank drop box. When they found it there was a bag with 25K in it.

Is the whore with the audacity to try to steal your wheelchair the one you settle down with?

I used to have sticky fingers from ages 15-20 from dept. stores (high ends of course) they dont watch you that much, and if you know how to remove the alarms, you will make it out with there with a score. As I got older I got paranoid and no longer do this. Who the fuck wants to go to jail for shoplifting, how embarrassing.

"my hearing aid"
lol
really?
thats about the worst thing ive ever heard
thats like, worse than stealing your chair

She wasn't in porn, but a whore I had the "pleasure" of meeting once stole the TV (bolted down) in the hotel room I'd rented for the encounter WHILE I WAS GRABBING US SOME SODAS. Seriously. I rented the room expressly for meeting her, so I hadn't left her alone with anything that belonged to me, and she'd expressed interest in a soda before she went on her way, so I wandered just down the hall and downstairs, couldn't have been gone more than five minutes, tops, and - BAM - her and the TV were gone when I got back. She must have had her driver just nearby or something, fuck if I know how they did it so fast. It was almost worth the money I had to pay the hotel just for the story.