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#304274 - 02/29/08 09:42 AM
House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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I don’t know if anybody really noticed besides true blue porn heathens and rain coaters, but Tom Byron semi-retired a few years ago to get into shape and he recently returned to the game. Maybe not too recently, can’t always keep up with all the cummings and goings of the biz sometimes myself because there’s a helluva lot of turnover in this industry and only a dork would keep up on the minutiae of the game. As meat puppets go, he’s a cartoonish carnal icon kinda like the hedgehog is, but nowhere as physically repugnant and he’s been plowing pussy since before I started watching porn and that’s been way too long. Compared to the punks out there pumping in poon in porn today, he's one of the most bearable ballers on the scene.
However, as always, it’s the quim I care about and there’s not a slouch chooch in the bunch. Alexis Love starts it off with her sultry young beauty getting sleazed and sprayed . Roxy DeVille is one of the better porno sluts out there and this performance was like a narcotik to my cock. You gotta peep this to believe those black stockings entwined with red fencenets atop 8”or 9’’ fuck me platforms, too… Jasmine Byrne always seems to give her best fuck every fuck and her g/g/b scene with new teen weinie hopper Sindee Jennings was molten as expected. Rachel Starr has got an awesome bod. And her hypnotic ass wave control is impressive as sacred jellyfish pulsating in a tidal pool. The final scene features Tori Black , a newcummer worth keepin the all-seeing cock eye out for and she wraps up this must get gonzo dvd with a bang! [Tom Byron Productions]
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"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#304275 - 02/29/08 02:06 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
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I read your review with interest. What happens in the movie? Does the company have a website so I can look it up myself?
Other than that, strong effort.
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#304276 - 02/29/08 08:08 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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Use your imagination, dickwad... there's blowjobs, missionary, doggy style, cowgirl reverse and forward, spooning, anal sex, but not every scene, money shots in mouths... do you need it spelled out for you? if so, a.d.t. or dozens of other lame-ass sites who just give stats like it's baseball or describe in detail every last grunt and drop of jizz are only a click away.... Just buy the fucking thing already or wait til Tommy boy sends the art disc, beyotch.
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"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#304277 - 03/01/08 12:42 AM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 705
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tj houshmanzilla?
chaaaampionship
i refuse to print sscreen and post through linked site, but I HAVE EM ALl RIGHT NOW
its a fairly pathetic accomplishment but god dammit if i didnt get drunk enough to have every post on the entire front page 12 42 pst.
chaaaaaaampionship
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#304278 - 03/01/08 08:26 AM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
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Quote:
Use your imagination, dickwad...
OK, so here's the thing - you seem like a good guy, and I likely didn't need to use such an abrupt tone; however, in reading a review of a product, I would like to learn a thing or two about that product.
For example, that Alexis Love girl is sure cute, but so far as I know, she doesn't do anal. And yet, there she is on a box cover for a movie called "House of Ass 8". Does she do anal in the movie, and if so with whom?
That would be information a potential purchaser/renter might want to know. The fact that she is "getting sleazed and sprayed" really doesn't help to make me an informed consumer.
I guess I'll just have to wait for Den to review it.
Edited by Soopergrizz (03/01/08 08:27 AM)
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#304279 - 03/01/08 08:31 AM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 3812
Loc: Neither here, nor there.
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Jesus Smut, a little touchy are we? I thought reviews are what you did here...isn't that your shtick around this place? I, for one, was also interested in your review of title, as you're typically spot on, but I guess I'll just have to ask our resident insider for his take on it.
Have a nice cup of tea son, it'll calm your nerves.
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"You know this is XXXPornTalk.com right? You sound like an ADT person. I want to poop on you." -Malice
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#304280 - 03/01/08 02:02 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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Quote:
I guess I'll just have to wait for Den to review it.
Gor for it, because that's where we differ... my stuff is the antithesis to that style. Den is an unimaginative clown who spits out boring stats, numbers and names on hundreds of dvds. You almost gotta wonder about somebody that dull and anal.
Quote:
Have a nice cup of tea son, it'll calm your nerves
If I want calm, I'll smoke herb. Tea is for limeys and poofs, xpt ain't a place for calm nerves. I get grizz's point, but when I get attitude, I give it back plus a little extry. I try to do a little something different every time, some reviews you'll hate & some you'll hopefully enjoy. I got creds, my alter ego is in the XRCO, but I don't need to brag about it, so basically, there are no resident insiders any deeper than me who write reviews here. If there are, tell em to step up to the plate. I need a good laugh.
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"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#304283 - 03/02/08 11:42 AM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
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FWIW, I totally brought the Den reference up because I knew it would piss you off.  You two are on the opposite sides of the spectrum to be sure, although both have their merits.
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#304296 - 03/18/08 09:50 AM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 8160
Loc: Roma, Repubblica Italiana
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In defense of Den, he's really not a reviewer but a cataloger; and if I want a quick rundown of what's in the scene, I go to Den.
_________________________
 "All my years in p*rn didn't quite prepare me for childbirth. I mistakenly thought all the stretching I did would make this easier."
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#304299 - 03/18/08 02:45 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
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So, in 400 words or less, does Alexis Love get it in the ass or not?
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#304300 - 03/18/08 04:05 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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Quote:
In defense of Den, he's really not a reviewer but a cataloger; and if I want a quick rundown of what's in the scene, I go to Den.
Choose your poison, but a porn “cataloger” is merely a data entry clerk of the absurd that really tells you nada, almost like a boxcover without pictures.
Quote:
I just viewed Creamplosions 2 and I gotta say these are NOT my kind of movies, Im appauled at any cum that is shared especially when it comes from another orefice. I give Ivan props, he'a an awesome fellow but I could do without cum swapping and eating it out of others. YUKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I hear ya, but this isn’t creampie flick, which I generally don’t watch, though my suggestion for Ivan’s myspace title contest was Creampie Implosions, so Creamplosions was decided on to gyp a playa out of some credit I guess.
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So, in 400 words or less, does Alexis Love get it in the ass or not?
400 words or less will cost you, but in a word with two letters, the answer is no.
_________________________
"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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#304303 - 03/21/08 09:12 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Rob Black's Crack Pipe
Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 93
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Quote:
I just viewed Creamplosions 2 and I gotta say these are NOT my kind of movies, Im appauled at any cum that is shared especially when it comes from another orefice. I give Ivan props, he'a an awesome fellow but I could do without cum swapping and eating it out of others.
YUKKKKKKKKKKKKK 
dude the only porn worth watching is what you just called yukk, theres this co. called vivid, there you should be able to find some soft core love making dvds
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#304306 - 03/30/08 07:03 PM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 4726
Loc: The City That Never Sleeps, Tr...
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Quote:
I hear ya, but this isn’t creampie flick, which I generally don’t watch, though my suggestion for Ivan’s myspace title contest was Creampie Implosions, so Creamplosions was decided on to gyp a playa out of some credit I guess.
Quote:
Its pretty damn close though, so you didnt get the prize? That's fucked. Its obvious he put them together from yours and thats where Creamplosions came from. I know its not a creampie flick, but I just dont like anything to do with playing with the cum and sharing it. I usually like Ivans stuff. And personally I like him too, he's a pretty cool dude.
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#304307 - 03/31/08 11:14 AM
Re: House Of Ass 8
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 9489
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Back on the porn criticism topic, here's an interesting review of HOA 8 from Houston Don that might be more helpful than mine.
If I were a fan, needing guidance, this is something I'd find useful, Crucifixio is insightful as well, though maybe I write more for entertainment purposes than consumer guidance. Like porn, try not to think about it too much, just look and enjoy.
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"I only insult those who deserve it." - Alfred E. Neuman
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