Jeebus H Christ, Panzer, save a few bucks (from the porn you don't buy) and get a decent desk! You can get a table made from real wood from Target or somewhere to start with. How about wiping down the surfaces with clorox at some point? Hygiene does not seem to be your strong point. Don't confuse the Nutella with the enema jars you keep near the kitchen.

10/10 on the Grossometer.