Earlier today, I was talking to a couple of long time pals and we were exchanging stories about some of the shit we've been up to while we've been apart.

One guy detailed a story about how him and this other guy both shared one condom between them on a whore- because supposedly they were both too drunk to even try finding another condom. Turns out, each guy would fuck the whore with the condom for a couple of minutes while the other guy jerked off or got his balls sucked- then they'd switch and the other dude would adorn the condom and do his thing.

They both spilled their beans inside the condom, drained it off and reused it later that same night. I'm sure some of you have been in similar if not worse circumstances seeing as this mate is somewhat half normal.

Gross and all that ruins the point of safe sex. And how desparate was that whore to let them do that?

What's funny is that the one guy, his father was the former Ambassador to Argentina for England. He was a very odd character because he would always introduce you to his "girlfriends" but they were always these leopard pant wearing Ethiopian prostitutes from Manchester.

One time he threw a lavish party at the folks home: a real swank mansion in London. Invited a bunch of people then came strolling in with this "whore" with huge fake fingernails and the most fucked up hair we ever saw. She had a fake foreign accent and when she laughed she would stick her tongue out as though she was trying to lick you. I don't think the folks even cared- they'd probably seen enough of it but at the time, we could never make heads or tails whether homeboy was fucking with us or being legit about the situation.

Most of the time his girlfriend would grope at us (or anyone else for that matter) while still holding his hand but he always said he thought it was funny.

After a while we asked his brother what the story was with the whores and I honestly remember him just shrugging it and giving us an answer like "those are the kind of women he likes." What could we do?

Sounds like the old joke about the Scottish soldier faced with the conundrum of replacing or repairing the regimental condom - it was therefore put to a vote and the Regiment overwhelmingly supported the cheaper option of "Repair!"

Once I've unrolled one of those suckers I find it almost impossible to put the thing on. I think I would prefer to wrap a couple of metres of clingwrap around my wanger if I really had to stick it in the ho.

I had a couple buddies back in my doper days who used to get high and pick up sluts at bars or if either was involved they would go pick up a hooker and take turns with her at a motel. "Insane Wayne" was a 6'5" tall lanky biker wanna-be who looked like a lost member of ZZ-Top and Johnny J. was literally a mental patient and looked like he could be John Wayne Gacy's illegitimate son.

I get a call from Johnny J. one night to roll down into a rather bad section of Philly to pick him up because Wayne flipped out on him and left him there. So I find the shitbag motel he's at and as soon as he jumps in the car he tells me what happened.

He and Wayne were getting high for 3 days straight when Wayne decides he wants to get a whore from the stroll in the city. John agrees to go for the ride( and because he is getting high out of Wayne's bag). Wayne finally finds a whore who will get into a car with two really strange dudes and they head for the no-tell motel that has hourly rates. Wayne flips for the room and they all go in, do some dope and bullshitting. This is the point where John says he started to really look at the whore and "she" has a really dark Five O'clock shadow going on but before he can say anything Wayne grabs her and pulls her into the bathroom and when he comes back out tells John that he paid her to blow both of them and it was his turn. John refuses on the grounds that the hooker is a dude. Wayne starts swearing its a chick and since he already paid that Johnny J. has to go in and get his knob polished on principal. John refuses on the grounds that he's not queer. Wayne goes into a rage swearing this whore is a bitch and that he's not a homo and keeps emphatically insisting that Johnny J. go in and get a hummer off the "chick" in the bathroom. Finally the whore comes out of the bathroom to see whats going on because Wayne is flipping the fuck out. Wayne looks over and tells the whore to show Johnny J. that she is a woman. The whore pulls off his wig and tells Wayne that, " I am whatever you pay me to be, sweetie" in a deep masculine voice. Johnny started laughing his ass off and Wayne just went pale and started mumbling over and over that, "I'm not a faggot., I'm not a faggot. " as he ran out of the room and jumped in his car and left Johnny J. with the tranny hooker.

Johnny J. said he asked for half the money back and threatened the tranny. He managed to get 10 bucks off the tranny which I demanded for the ride out of the badlands. We never did hear from "Insane Wayne" again after that.