Naughty Resolutions Often More Fun…And Successful
BY BOBBY FAIRFIELD III

MONDAY 31, 2007

SAN DIEGO (TNA) – It’s nearly 2008, and people are already telling me their New Year’s resolutions: Get in shape, quit smoking, pay off debt, get organized, etc.

You know how I respond to those do-gooders?

“F**k that s**t.”

That’s right. Why? Because none of those pea-brains will ever accomplish such things, making it a complete waste of time to even pretend they will – especially when they made the exact same resolutions last year.

Worst of all, they know it, and so do you.

It happens every winter, in the two weeks or so before and after New Year’s. Somehow, people become gung-ho with delusions of grandeur, setting goals that, while not impossible, are highly improbable. So basically impossible.

For example, a friend of mine insists he’ll quit smoking – again – in 2008.

Ha! Trust me: It won’t be more than a few days before he’s sitting at a bar deciding it’s downright un-American to hold a pint in one hand without a cigarette in the other. In no time he’ll be puffing away, sheepishly counting down until 2009.

Now I’m not singling anybody out, or calling anyone weak. Hell, until this year I was making plenty of goody two-shoes New Year’s resolutions – save money, drink less, volunteer to help the less fortunate.

Did I stick with any of those in the 12 months I allowed myself? Hell, no – I didn’t even bother trying.

But now I realize what I’ve been doing wrong. Had my resolutions been naughty instead of nice – nail my sister’s hot friend, claim my dog and houseplants as tax dependents, use my parents’ emergency funds to “find myself” in Amsterdam – I would have fulfilled them all before spring…or, at the very least, happily died trying.

In turn, I would have felt much more productive, proud and satisfied with myself for actually accomplishing goals I’d set out to reach.

TheNaughtyAmerican.com