Brandon, most of us here really care about you. I for one feel your pain, I really do, how long can you keep living like this for? You are getting up there in age now (by porn standards) when are you going to find a nice girl thats accepting of your past to settle down with back in canada? You should have a nice little nest egg from all the work you've done the past few years. You have managed to avoid the life threatening diseases but with the questionable talent you continue to work with that streak won't last much longer, maybe its time you get out of the way and let another performer infamous for working with similar talent take that bullet. You could just stay behind the camera for a bit, see how it goes while you look for mrs right, said with love monkey.