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#290046 - 12/10/07 03:47 AM
office party dilemma
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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No one likes going to their spouse's office Christmas party. I am no exception. I tried and can't get out of it. In landscaping an office party just means the guys shower and change on Friday afternoon so the strippers don't get yeast infections from grinding in our dirty laps.
I've been scouring the internet for tips on how to best survive these realworld office hootenannies but there are two factors that none of these guides have touched on: my wife's manager is a tranny and I am me.
I know how this should play out, but I also know how it probably will play out. The chance that I will be able to contain myself is inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol I shall imbibe. Sure, I could stay dry and sober, but then I wouldn't be able to set foot in the same room as a tranny in the first place.
When I was a kid society would have hunted this thing down and restored natural order. Today I am told I have to be understanding, compassionate, and worst of all, tolerant. So now I have to spend a night of my holidays in the presence of an abomination. Merry fucking Christmas.
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#290047 - 12/10/07 04:14 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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what does your wife do for a living, and whatever happened to vanessa? oh, and take pictures of the boss, definitely.
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#290048 - 12/10/07 11:30 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Whoremaster
Registered: 10/21/05
Posts: 2710
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Quote:
I've been scouring the internet for tips on how to best survive these realworld office hootenannies but there are two factors that none of these guides have touched on: my wife's manager is a tranny and I am me.
This sounds like a quality sitcom episode if I ever heard one... 
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#290049 - 12/10/07 11:56 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 1133
Loc: The Mystic Knights of the Sea ...
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Is there a Secret Santa for this party and if so did you get the tranny?
_________________________
"I'm a minor character in my own story", Steve Coogan as Tony Wilson in 24 Hour Party People
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#290050 - 12/10/07 01:30 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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I would never discount peyote in a situation such as this. It gives you more freedom than, say, PCP.
Although realistically, you could throw yourself down some stairs or just drive into something on the way there.
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#290052 - 12/10/07 02:35 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 3555
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re the drugs, just don't do any tweak, cuz you will end up wanting to fuck that tranny. 
_________________________
"I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend deep frying the fuck out of anything that gets in my way."
--Handful
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#290054 - 12/10/07 07:32 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Poodle Killer
Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 02/24/06
Posts: 812
Loc: Rubbing dicks with strange guy...
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Make an example out of the Mother-Fucker... Grab the fuckin Homo and pummel him,,,,Beat the fucker to a bloody pulp... 
_________________________
100 Cigarettes
King Richard
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#290055 - 12/10/07 08:34 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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Your statement is presupposing. You refer to it as 'him'.
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#290057 - 12/10/07 09:20 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Poodle Killer
Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 02/24/06
Posts: 812
Loc: Rubbing dicks with strange guy...
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Just Boot-Fuck him...!
_________________________
100 Cigarettes
King Richard
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#290060 - 12/12/07 12:12 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 4203
Loc: Bakersfield Plumbing Supplies ...
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I never thought I'd go off Asian porn...
_________________________
I also am subcribe to postal pornography - CAOH
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#290061 - 12/12/07 12:36 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Isn't it time for a report from the party? I understood it to be the night of handful's post.
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#290062 - 12/12/07 12:58 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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It's kinda hard to post when you're in jail for Assault with a deadly weapon. 
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#290063 - 12/13/07 05:11 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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No, the party's not until next Wednesday. I got a look at her manager the other day, though. Picture Pamela Peaks with a red wig. Dressed like Peg Bundy. I think I've actually seen this thing around the city several times in the past.
I've been toying heavily with the idea of posting a pic of it (just not here in the Cage) and I would in a second were it my job, but this is my wife's gig. Besides, I've got inside information that if I post a pic of the trannymanager here on XPT I will be without sex for a long time.
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#290064 - 12/13/07 05:48 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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#290067 - 12/14/07 08:07 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Registered Sex Offender
Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 2376
Loc: Rockin' the Z5U
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I have a relatively inexpensive solution to your transformer dilemma.
Between now and wednesday,locate and purchase an early 80's Audi 5000s with an automatic transmission.Given their history and age you should be able to find one still running that the owner will be willing to pay YOU to remove from his driveway. Use that money to buy trannyshoes.(I dont know why but some places sell patent leather pumps in man sizes... I am certain that the world would be a better place if anyone who even inquired about a red leather pump in a man's size 11 would be seated while the salesperson went and got a box that contained not red shoes,but a 12gauge sawed off and held it right up to it's face and...)I'm sorry I got sidetracked. Buy trannyshoes and put them in the trunk of your "new" 1981 Audi 5000s and go to the party.
Have a good time and when your are ready to leave announce that you almost forgot ,there is a gift for your wife's mngr out in the car, could it please walk you out? Then go outside and start warming up you trusty Audi.
When it comes out to the car you will want to be careful to slip the shifter to D for drive and pop the trunk.(this part is important because this vehical is known for having.... issues related to shifting)When mantastic gets around back ,just tap the gas and everybody is happy.
The police that jack up you car to remove the tattered tranny pieces wont even give you a breathylizer....
_________________________
"I hope someone runs you over with their car."-guapo
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#290068 - 12/26/07 02:49 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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@
Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 9958
Loc: fortified
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Update fucker....
ib you and the tranny used your old lady like a coat rack
for cocks.
_________________________
i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn
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#290069 - 12/27/07 08:43 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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There wasn't much to tell. Like I said my company dinner got scheduled the same night so we went to her thing for an hour to mingle and have a couple of drinks. The tranny wasn't there yet, thank God, so we made small talk for a bit then headed out. Part of me was disappointed, but I was very relieved it wasn't there, cause I was pretty buzzed when we left and probably wouldn't have been able to contain myself.
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#290071 - 12/27/07 09:54 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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Quote:
There wasn't much to tell. Like I said my company dinner got scheduled the same night so we went to her thing for an hour to mingle and have a couple of drinks. The tranny wasn't there yet, thank God, so we made small talk for a bit then headed out. Part of me was disappointed, but I was very relieved it wasn't there, cause I was pretty buzzed when we left and probably wouldn't have been able to contain myself.
it's she... thank you!
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#290072 - 12/27/07 09:59 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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Quote:
Beating a trannie to death for Christmas is something even baby Jesus would approve of. 
I normally respect... well, lets say, tolerate religious people but what can you say to this other than Jesus Freak! "Beating Jeff Steward to death for Christmas is something even baby Jesus would approve of." Mmmmhh... doesn't really sound funny, does it?
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#290073 - 12/27/07 10:12 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 02/23/05
Posts: 3724
Loc: Paddling my canoe in the wild
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Someone got coal in their stocking!
_________________________
You're all still alive?
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#290075 - 12/27/07 11:15 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 01/09/06
Posts: 1248
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Quote:
Quote:
Beating a trannie to death for Christmas is something even baby Jesus would approve of.
I normally respect... well, lets say, tolerate religious people but what can you say to this other than Jesus Freak! "Beating Jeff Steward to death for Christmas is something even baby Jesus would approve of." Mmmmhh... doesn't really sound funny, does it?
great sig, thanks V!
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#290076 - 12/27/07 04:07 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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Quote:
I normally respect... well, lets say, tolerate religious people but what can you say to this other than Jesus Freak! "Beating Jeff Steward to death for Christmas is something even baby Jesus would approve of." Mmmmhh... doesn't really sound funny, does it?
Hey Cinderfella, did you know more trannies commit suicide this time of year, than any other time? How did that thing, with the cop end? Did he crack your skull open or just threaten to shoot you if you ever showed up again, you know just like your parents did?
Happy Holidays
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#290078 - 12/27/07 07:37 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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Quote:
We've been through this before, Vanessa.
Yes, and obviously you didn't pay much attention last time around when we discussed the definitions of transsexual, interesex, gay, lesbian, straight and bisexual. I'll be happy to break it down again for you... if you really want to keep pretending that you're just a redneck with a pickup truck and a gay cat.
Quote:
I like to eat pussy but that doesn't make me a lesbian. It's just that simple.
The fact that you're not a lesbian doesn't prove much... in fact it doesn't prove anything whatsoever.
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#290079 - 12/27/07 07:39 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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Quote:
How did that thing, with the cop end?
With traffic school.
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#290084 - 12/28/07 02:46 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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An aside; I grew bored with this thread about a week ago and advise other posters to do the same.
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#290085 - 12/28/07 04:38 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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Attachments
282944-the3monkeys.jpg (10 downloads)
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#290087 - 12/30/07 09:49 AM
Re: office party dilemma
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 786
Loc: on the dark side of the moon
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The only balls you've got are on your Christmas tree. They get used only once a year when Santa comes down your chimney.
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#290088 - 12/30/07 05:38 PM
Re: office party dilemma
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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Unlike you, nothing comes down my chimney or my ass.
I do have a question however. You know that mason jar you keep your chopped-off tackle in? Do you ever have to change the formaldehyde solution in it, or does it keep indefinitely?
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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