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I had a vision of Ben at work. He's in a cramped, Dunder-Mifflin type lunchroom standing next to the microwave, waiting for the ding that will signal when his Cup 'o Noodles is done. He hears someone call his name and turns to the voice, only to have a cupcake greet his forehead like a roundhouse punch. The employees seated at the Formica tables laugh and laugh as the cupcake slides down his face, leaving a streak of frosting and sprinkles down the bridge of his nose.

But Ben is not angry. In fact, he flashes a sincere smile and playfully waves off the attack. "Oh you guys", he utters as he peals the dessert projectile from his face. "Sometimes you're just too much." When the microwave dings, he takes out his food and goes back to his cubicle, where he eats alone.

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hey burg, have you ever "made it rain" whilst at the strip club like the homies do?

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hey burg, have you ever "made it rain" whilst at the strip club like the homies do?

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Hell no, I am surgical with my wads (of cash)... If I was Snoop Burgy Burg Black I might pull shit like that, but that is so not me....I pick one entertainer and spend the night being fed appetizers and getting inside her head. If I find the experience enjoyable I will be back for her, if not I tip her an extra 200 and tell her to forget I was there...problem is I am unforgettable. Nothing better than two braindead desperately greedy strippers catfighting over you on your next visit to a club. Nails and heels break, hair gets snarled and mussed, wigs and extensions fly off into patrons' drinks...sometimes one bites the other and then the cops are usually called and the biter arrested. Good times.

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I once fed a whore, who was in withdrawal from Percocet and shivering in 85 degree sunshine, five vitamin C tablets telling her it was Oxy, and that as soon as she felt better she could either let me call around for treatment options, or give me a blowjob for some more Oxy .... 30 minutes later, still shivering, she had her mouth around my dick while I was counting out real Oxy tabs verrrrrryyyyy slowwwwwly on the coffee table next to us. Hey...I gave her an out (so to speak), she wouldnt take it....


I am sitting here in my home just back from the hospital after having my kidney fucked with by a FEMALE Urologist at 6 am this morning. I have an IV still in my left hand and a visiting nurse named Lauren who will be here for the next 24 hours until I stop pissing blood and have had enough IV Morphine and antibiotics. She's cute but a little chunky...what diabolically debauched act should I try to bribe her to do, bearing in mind she is already paid well? I am thinking of telling her I am left handed (I am a righty) and that I have a hardon that wont go away but I cant whack off with this IV in my left hand and would she please help me etc etc etc. The drugs are making me too nice, help me out with more disgusting ideas before her shift is over tomorrow night....

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db shit your diaper and make the bitch clean shit up.

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I've decided she's too nice to abuse, although she wondered why I keep toggling the 'puter screen everytime she comes in to take my temperature or fluff my pillow....

She wakes me up about an hour ago at 6am to take out my IV and replace it with a Heparin Lock since my antibiotic course is finished. She slept downstairs in my guest room, and she slept in those blue and green hospital scrubs, sans Bra......when she was bending over replacing the IV tubing and flushing it with Heparin, I could see her tits as plain as this computer screen, and they were actually quite nice. Like I said she is on the chunky side (probably 15 pounds overweight but she looks a tad bit like Belinda Carlisle from her early GoGo's days) and she is not wearing any ring, so I am debating whether I've known her long enough now (2 days) to perhaps start asking general non-invasive personal questions, like whether she is involved with anyone or not, whether she believes in the Rapture or Santa Claus. or whether she believes allowing recuperating patients to titty fuck her and splooge onto her outstretched tongue violates any healthcare ethical standards, stuff like that...she just asked me to think about what I want for breakfast, so my answer MUST involve some Breast/Titty-Fucking innuendo....my only fear is that after this surgery, my splooge might be bloody too like my piss. Then again, she's a R.N so she's trained to deal with all manner of bodily functions, right? Cleaning up puke, wiping peoples' asses after using the bedpan, inserting and removing catheters...how much of a stretch is gobbling bloody cumballs???

I really need to write a book, eh?

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I once used a vibrator that was being sold at the porn shop I was working at in the bathroom of said workplace during working hours. Then I cleaned it, repackaged it and put it back on the shelf. And by "once" I mean several times.

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I once used a vibrator that was being sold at the porn shop I was working at in the bathroom of said workplace during working hours. Then I cleaned it, repackaged it and put it back on the shelf. And by "once" I mean several times.

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I once used a vibrator that was being sold at the porn shop I was working at in the bathroom of said workplace during working hours. Then I cleaned it, repackaged it and put it back on the shelf. And by "once" I mean several times.

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Leave it our Oregon Beaver with boobs to top everyone else....

I think there is a market for used vibrators too, uncleaned of course.