I've got her chained to a pipe in my furnace room. The conditions of her release are as follows:

1) the porn industry adopts and signs a condoms-never bill

2) Luke Ford returns to reporting on porn and receiving the daily lashes he deserves

3) Ten of those White Castle burgers (I hear they're tasty)

4) I get to keep her on weekends.
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There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.