She updated it:

Quote:

Reading comprehension not up to par? Having some trouble getting my point? Mistaking my humorous, dry sarcasm for angry bitterness?

Let me try to put things into a different perspective:



You’re starving. Craving your favorite dish from the fancy restaurant downtown… Top-rated by every food critic in the area… Most only have the luxury of dining there if it’s a very special occasion. You need to call ahead of time to make your reservation. You know that if you don’t, you’re going to have to wait, or maybe you won’t get to dine at all… because many others crave the same food from the same fancy restaurant downtown. Yea, it’s a bit on the pricey side, but you’re far from frugal, and boy is it worth it.

POP QUIZ

1. It’s an hour before your reservation time. You’ve been at work all day. What a long day. You haven’t had a shower since morning time, and you feel a bit sweaty….

Do you:

A.) Shower

B.) Try to hide the scent with cologne

C.) Play some rugby, drive there in your non air conditioned car, and hope that no one will notice

2. The restaurant’s décor is quite elegant. Many have said that it’s the most dazzling place they’ve ever eaten. You know that everyone will be dressed nicely, looking their best….

Do you:

A.) Shave, put on a nice outfit, and at least attempt to make yourself appear comely, and smell nice.

B.) Arrive unkempt, and un-clean. Not caring about how you present yourself in such a sublime atmosphere



3. You know that this restaurant is always very busy… And that they depend on your punctuality to keep things in order for the evening. They regret to inform you that they are so popular, that if you are more than 10-15 minutes late, they may possibly have to give your table away….

Do you:

A.) Make sure to be ready on time, and leave a bit early in case there’s traffic…and if for some reason, you end up running a few minutes late, you call to notify the hostess.

B.) You carelessly watch the end of the football game, and leave your house 15 minutes late, catch some traffic, and arrive at your destination about 35 minutes after your reservation… Then complain and throw a hissy fit when they regrettably inform you that they have given your table away… And try to demand a free dinner for tomorrow evening… Even though you were already told of what would happen if you were more than 10-15 minutes late.

4. You sit down at your table… Prime location. Intricately designed surroundings… Clean, classy atmosphere. Your server arrives at your table. She asks you what you would like to order.

Do you:

A.) Place your order, or ask if she has any suggestions.

B.) Tell her that you want to order 5 entrees, and tell her that she needs to bring them to you on a golden platter, while doing cart-wheels, and singing show-tunes. If she doesn’t, you’ll write terrible things about her and the restaurant on the local restaurant review board.

C. )Take her apron and pen, sit her down at the table, and ask what SHE would like to order.

5. Your entrée has arrived. It smells delightfully amorous, and the presentation is absolutely exquisite.

Do you:

A.) Take a bite, enjoy the taste… Chew… Swallow… Use your utensils properly, and consume your meal in a mannerly fashion.

B.) Stare at it, and wait for the food to magically fly up into your mouth on it’s own. When you realize it might not do that, you pick up your fork and take a single bite. Then ask your server for a new fork. You take another bite, ask for another fork. You continue this for the duration of the meal.

C.) Slam your face into the plate and gnaw on the contents, while viciously growling… Then stab the food repeatedly with your fork and fling it around before finally shoveling it, barbarically, down your throat.



6. You’re all done now. It was excellent. Your server was more attentive than expected, and brought you everything you needed without delay. An all around pleasurable evening.

Do you:

A.) Leave your server a tip.

B.) Ask your server to comp a few items off your check, and give you a discount… Because, Hey- You thought you were a pretty pleasurable customer.

C.) Figure she already made some money tonight, and leave no tip. Then ask her for her phone number.



Take a look at your answers. If you’ve answered anything other than choice “A” on any of the questions… It’s probably time that you re-think going to the fancy restaurant downtown. You should either learn some proper dining etiquette, and common courtesy… Or stop going there all together… Retire from the fancy restaurant downtown, and maybe try going to the pub in the projects.





Sincerely,

Fancy Restaurant Downtown


My reply in her forum:

Dear Miss Fancy Restaurant,

You seem to have a good idea of what should occur in a fancy restaurant, but you don't have a clue about running one. Please allow me to give you some advice:

The best restaurants don't just expect, they demand certain standards of their customers. They have dress codes, refuse entry to those not up to scratch and eject anyone who behaves inappropriately. In practise this very rarely happens, as the quality of their food attracts connoisseurs who appreciate fine dining. These customers follow the standards without complaint, and are willing to pay a premium, because they know they are at an exclusive establishment where they will be served high-quality food, not junk that's gone cold from sitting on the counter all day.

See a problem here? Can't afford to be fussy and turn away paying customers? Well, perhaps your food isn't so special after all. Maybe you're working the kitchen too hard and the quality has fallen off, or maybe it's the attitude of your staff. The way I see it, you have two options:

1.) Quit bitching and face the fact that you're actually running a downtown fast-food joint and attracting clientele accordingly.

2.) Leave the restaurant business and find something more suited to you.

After all, it's your establishment to run as you see fit, but if you run it into the ground you really have no-one to blame but yourself. Nobody wants to hear you whinge and blame the customers.
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"If I were a guy, not swallowing would be a deal breaker. So what if you cook and clean? I can get a maid for that." - Gia Jordan