I've often thought, from what I've read, that the Monkey was Jewish. Last of the Old Schul Jewish. I can see him tapping away on a laptop at the Second Avenue Deli. Zen, Charlie, you guys know what I mean.

As for Luke, Zen's fundamentally correct. No matter how hard Luke tries, no matter how much some progressive synagogue might accept him, he will never be able to synthesize within himself the essence that makes one a Jew.

It's joked in certain quarters that Bubba was the "first black President." And while it's true that he got things that none of his predecessors could ever fathom, and while he put his office on 125th Street and eats lunch at Sylvia's a few times a week, at the end of the day he's as white as me or GiGi. Or his wife, for that matter.

Anyone remember Frank Zappa's Thingfish album? Then you know...

You Are What You Is

A foolish young man
Of de negro persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He trade his dashiki
For some Jordache Jeans!
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself:
"I AIN'T NO NIGNINT NO MORE...