I can't play any instrument, but I suck good cock so I guess that makes up for that department. Not like I would ever make cash-money playing a real wood instrument.

-enhanced statement to the tune of Rebel Yell, Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, original time honored recipe from Louisville.
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MICHELLE-ASTON Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star. --The Simpsons