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When I was 19 years old I had a abortion. Sad but true. And this time of year every year since I was 19 my life spins out of control. So I wanna take this time and get this off my chest once and for all.

So I wanna say Happy Birthday to the child I never had and who ever you would of been. I wonder would you have been a boy, girl, angel, angel of sin, tom girl, tom boy, cheerleader, dancing, genius, or a rebel running round like I was. Would you of had bright red hair and beautiful green eyes like me? Would you of hung out with all the boys and been just one of the guys like me? Or would you of been a boy? Unfortunately I never even got to know your sex. Never even got to see your eyes open. I wish I would had you. What I thought was a dream was as real as it seems I made a mistake. I made a million excuses as to why I could not have you at the time. And why you are not here with me now. Please accept my apologies.

I believe deep down inside I will see you one day in the heavens above. Or when I finally do decide to settle down you will come to me again and we will have the greatest family and life together. I am so sorry I had to do to you what I did.

The life I have now is no place for a child. But sometimes think you would've kept me more grounded, on track, but really the fear of being a mother is most likely the truth.

Anyways.... I just wanted to get this out there in the open. It has been troubling me a lot lately and I honestly just couldn't handle keeping it bottled up inside me any more so I finally had to let it out.

I am not against abortion. But I am nor am I for them. Next time I get pregnant weather it's on purpose or a accident. I am going to keep my child and if the Father doesn't want it then he can go to hell. I will take my child and we will make a life together.

So to end this. I made a mistake that will haunt me now for the rest of my life. I pay for the decision I made when I was 19 everyday of my life. I can still feel the pain of the baby being sucked out of me.

On this note I am sorry. Happy Birthday to my Baby I never knew. I will always love you and always have.

Please don't hate on this blog it is something very personal to me.

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