I have been forcing myself out of the apartment.

For some reason I keep reacting like my cats are still here. I pause while opening the front door for example to make sure none slip out.

Meanwhile, my stepdad has been diagnosed with the first stages of some undefined form of "dementia" that is not Alzheimer's. It is likely I'll be moving down to help out my mom. It's not like I'm doing much up here. At least I might be of some use down there ....

Anyway, I've been hitting the gym and beating myself up physically. I took today off since my legs are too sore to endure the trip home after a workout. That hill leading up from Bally's [which is also the on ramp to 495] is difficult after pounding out the cardio machines. Still I walked to the store and bought the makings for chicken soup from the Hispanic super market and the Arab veggie store.

But, distraction is my best tool right now. I cannot slow my mind or I focus on dark destructive thoughts.



As part of that distraction, I decided to start to look for my missing passport. I'll need it since I'm going to Bermuda, Lisbon and Paris in May. I hadn't been able to find it for about 8-9 months. I had more or less resigned myself to the fact that I would have to pay to get an "emergency" replacement.

The day after Clyde past, I was standing next to my computer desk fighting back tears when I saw something odd in a tin I keep receipts. BAM, my passport found.



NO IDEA how it could have gotten there.