Luke, stop torturing yourself with jdate. You obviously like the shiksas, so concentrate on lurking around bookstores, galleries, Air Supply tribute act gigs [is there even such a thing?]

At least that way you'll meet someone who can read, appreciates the differences between light and shade and digs your kind of time warp music.

Your pursuit of the unattainable will not bring you happiness. If all of the above fails, just start banging married chicks and repent at leisure. I'd probably quit watching Californication if I was you.