You don't need advice, you need a better paying job, a haircut that costs more than eight bucks at Supercuts, a fashionable wardrobe, a personal trainer and an automobile that doesn't run on prayers. Then you need a new personality. Your internet persona/shtick fits perfectly with your gig, but if that's the You the women in your life are getting, then you're basically fucked, regardless of the aesthetic changes you make. That you somehow managed to pull Holly being "Online Luke" at least some of the time probably says more about her than you. She was drinking then, right?

Ideally, if you could find another gig, your best bet would be to simply move out of L.A. Even if you miraculously accomplished all of the things I mentioned, you'd still be out of place. You just don't fit there.