Luke, are you having a minor meltdown? What's that all about?

And suggesting self-control as a substitute for masturbation.... yeah, 'cos that's been proven throughout history as being the way forward. In fact, I'm pretty sure if you consult historical tracts, you'll find no evidence of rape, sexual assault or prostitution in the past when religion controlled the populace and no one masturbated.

Yep, I'm pretty sure that's how the history books read.