So last night I am hanging out with my brother down in hartford, his wife and kids are away in Russia visiting her family and its time for Big Brother burglar to show him a good time....we hit one of the local strip clubs that also serves an awesome brisket...while little bro is chowing down and gawking at the sights, I sneak off and visit my friend the manager in his office, who I hadnt seen in a year....he is flummoxed when i get there, totally stressed out. It seems he has a stripper wanting to work that evening who just gave birth a month ago, and no matter how much she pumps her tits for milk, within 10-15 minutes she's spraying mama-juice all over the fucking place. The girl is quite popular and totally hot, but is also desperate for dough since the deadbeat dad is no where to be found. The manager cant bring himself to refuse her to work, since the girl is spouting shit like "Americans with Disabilities Act Lawsuit Buddy!" etc etc if she cant work, or if he doesnt pay her the average take she does on a night (about 700-800 bucks) to just waitress or some shit...

Have no fear, Burg Quixote is here...I plop 600 down and tell him "Just tell her to come to my table and sit out the night with me and my brother" ... she prances over thinking we want dances (the manager didnt explain the intent of my generosity/favor, which was mostly to him because I have no fucking idea who this girl is...) Turns out she is 28 and has a masters degree in communications from UCONN. I am like "WTF?" She says she quit her job at the primary hartford Newspaper 3 years ago to take care of her now NO-WHERE-TO-BE-FOUND boyfriend/father of the child/cause of the milk production problem. Again, "WTF??" I ask her how is it she produces so much milk? She said her obgyn tells her she has a slightly overactive breatmilk ejection reflex but he cant put her on medication because it will be passed to the baby...anyone EVER hear of "Overactive Breastmilk Ejection Reflex????"

Bottom line, after a couple hundred more in food, drinks and a tip, I successfully kept her off stage and from removing her top...I then told the manager on my way out that he really had nothing to fear as far as a lawsuit because, since the girl is an independent contractor, the ADA is not fully applicable in this case, and she is in fact a health/safety hazard if her tits are that overactive...

I love the drama and bullshit to be found in most stripclubs, it is better than anything to be found elsewhere....


Next edition, Burg's favorite Strip Club Cat Fights, where totally hot chicks fight over anything from the biggest loser boyfriends you can imagine, to Pills, To "Who Stole My Chapstick?"

I was just about to say, "Burg, she can't sue. She's an ind. contractor." When I stripped, I loved how strippers would throw that term around to sound fancy (Krystalia thought she was so fancy) or just to justify dancing to Slayer (ok, that one was me), showing up when they please, avoid doing 2-for-1s, avoid handing out t-shirts...it's endless, BUT they'd want to be treated like an employee when it came to job security.

As for Miss. Maids-A-Milkin,' check the internet for a natural remedy or add a new beverage to the menu.

But is she really an independent contractor?

The fact that most clubs require schedules these days, amongst other things, means that strippers are not, in fact, independent contractors.

I agree with pinupmutant that most strippers would seem to be employees rather than true independent contractors.