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but because over these last 6 months I've seen a lot of friends relapse, and it terrifies me.

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I hope this question isn't misinterpreted because I'm genuinely curious but is there possibly a common denominator between you and your friends? Is there a reason why you and they would have this affliction but other friends and/or acquaintances would not? Are there genetic predispositions?

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Yes, I think there are genetic predispositions, combined with environmental factors. My friends that I partied with in high school and college don't have this problem, and back then they would drink just as much as me or more. They outgrew it, but I never did-- I just got worse. That always confused me until I was finally forced to accept that I was an alcoholic and different from them. Then I could finally take the necessary steps to pull myself together and put my life back together.

And Burg, I think it depends on who you are talking about-- for some people early sobriety is much harder than having time. This is what scares me: I don't want to have several years sober and forget where I came from, decide then that I'm "over" my drinking problem, and I'm sure I can handle "just one". It would be nice if that could be the case, but I seriously doubt it, and I really don't want to find out. I wish there was a quick fix, but I think it's a lifelong decision I have to stick by, and I really hope that I do.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, I really appreciate it. Everyone here (well mostly everyone, LOL) was so supportive when I was in rehab, which I really didn't expect. It would be so great to be perfect, but this is the demon I have to live with. But, it could be worse-- I could have cancer.