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Has staying sober gotten any easier, Miss Holly?



Absolutely. I will have six months of sobriety under my belt next Thursday, and I never have urges or cravings at all. In fact, whenever I encounter a situation where I could drink, the fucking hell I was living in before immediately flashes through my mind, and the thought of ingesting even the smallest amount of booze is physically repugnant. Combine that "gag reflex" with the fact that I'm happier, healthier, and look better than I ever have, and there's no way I'm going back where I was. My friends and family have told me I'm a totally different person now, and when I look in the mirror, I no longer hate what I see. I look forward to a bright and happy future, and every day I'm thankful of where I am today.

But, that being said, I'm also a little afraid. I'm afraid of slipping, and that's not because I've ever felt like I was close to it, but because over these last 6 months I've seen a lot of friends relapse, and it terrifies me. I've been told that the fear I have is healthy, because it keeps me straight and reminds me of how dangerous the disease of alcoholism is, but it sucks knowing that I am only one drink away from total disaster. The problem is, if I take that first drink, I have no idea what will happen after that. It's a little crazy knowing that I can have a totally rational mind, but pour in a little liquor, and I become a totally different person. I don't want to be Hyde ever again.

OK back to topic, another favorite scene of mine is the Melissa Lauren/Hillary Scott scene. And the Ander Page and Joey Ray scene, only because she makes him eat his own cum.
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I really try to retain a respectful distance from my models, even when I'm lubing up their pussies.