G'day Jim B. I'm just having a spot of Vegemite and leafing through my Bible verses on XPT right about now.

Regarding my hypocritical, homosexual, attention-seeking, talentless son Luke Ford and his frolics with the wallabies: let's not forget that Luke also had unnatural carnal knowledge of cone snails, cane toads, stonefish, wallaroos, box jellies, Tasmanian devils, the deadly Taipan snake and of course, the fair-dinkum large saltie named Captain Jack who lived behind our humble home. No wonder he's such a douche-guzzling, simpering creep as an "adult".


My faggot son Luke -- and I apologize for that slip of the tongue as a man of the cloth, but really -- my son Luke Ford is like our Australian kookaburra... a bird known for its shrill, annoying cry. Let's examine a few points:

1. HYPOCRITE

He makes a living off porn, accepts porn ad dollars, feeds off and obsesses on the industry, and MADE A PORN MOVIE -- then condemns it all with phony morality. He's the least moral person I've ever met...and I raised the little whelp, so I ought to know!

I believe that as a child, Luke justified this two-faced tendency by referring to his "hee-hee" personality. And let me tell you, when the boy began indulging his "hee-hee" personality the first thing I did was to crack him a good one. Maybe someone should do the same now.

2. GAY

He dreams of eating snake sandwiches and performing double-penetrations with a male friend (do you lot dream about that? I DON'T!), wears tighty-whiteys, is scared of the vagina (the poof says they smell funny) and primps himself like a fair-dinkum sissy with Grecian formula. 'Nuff said.

3. DOES NOT RESPECT HIS DAD, DESMOND FORD

He converted to Judaism just to honk me off, but still yearns to please me by obsessing on his own not-so-secret hate for the religion of the Hebrews, which he mocks with his very existence.

In short, lads, I'm just about fit to bust over this matter. I'll have to watch a few of your American Bukakke videos just to let out some steam! In the meantime, let me bugger off right now with this: My gay son Luke Ford is an utterly worthless piece of shit, a hack writer, a plagiarist and a loser of the lowest order. I'll be back soon with more concrete proof -- as if any were needed!