G'day, mates. My name is Desmond Ford, and I'm here to say I'm right cheesed off with my gay son Luke Ford. The boy is a complete disgrace to the Ford family name, and I'll be checking in here regularly to tell you why. For now, let's just say I think the boy's unnatural relations with his childhood friend WAYNE CHERRY had a fair-dinkum lot to do with the sorry way he turned out. I'd have rather seen the abos kill him when he was young than suffer the embarrassment of his vendetta against the porn industry.

If my gay son Luke is reading this, I hope he heeds my advice: If y'don't like porn, son, leave it alone. Your attention-grubbing ways are all too familiar to me from the days when you'd cry for me and your mum in the middle of the night. It didn't work then, and it won't wash now.