If you guys pay for it, I will attempt the following:

1) To pistol whip her with a squirt gun
2) Speculum her ass open and sing " you choose the song"
3) Blind fold her piss on her head and tell her it's okay I'm just sweating allot.
4) After sex sneak into the bathroom and poke red dots all over my penis with a marker and come out of the bathroom yelling "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!"

For those that can't read, I will do this:
Please discuss this in a reasonable fashion, a money order would suffice.