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#256352 - 07/02/07 04:41 AM
***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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ADT regular
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2
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FROM THE ADMINISTRATION: THIS STORY IS NOT REAL.
The phone rang around 5:30 AM. It was Boswell, a reporter I sometimes drink with when I’m on the East Coast.
“What the fuck do you want at this hour,†I yelled into the phone.
“Get your ass out of bed and wait by your fax machine. I’ll be sending something over in about five minutes. You’re gonna like this.†He hung up the phone.
I went to the kitchen and made some coffee. Five minutes means a year and a day to these reporters, I thought. Half an hour later, I was fully caffineated and the fax came through.
He was right. I loved every bit of it.
It was a media advisory from the Baltimore State’s Attorney’s Office. (See attached.) On the surface, it was just a routine vice operation. Until I saw who they nabbed.
You can read the whole thing if you want, but these are the good parts:
Quote:
"State's Attorney Patricia C. Jessamy and Police Commissioner Leonard Hamm will announce the results of "Operation Clean Streets," a joint operation of the BPD and the State's Attorney's Office aimed at combating drug,
prostitution and other quality-of-life offenses throughout the city...
"Operation Clean Streets resulted in the arrest of 47 suspected drug dealers, 36 alleged prostitutes and 24 of their would-be clients, including a well-known star of adult movies. The arrests took place... in the area of Downtown known as "The Block," and along a section of Guilford Avenue in Charles North that has long been known as a pick-up spot for transsexual prostitutes and their Johns.
"Among those arrested was Steven Fitzgerald, 37, of Los Angeles. Fitzgerald,a Baltimore City native, is also known as Kurt Lockwood, an actor in pornographic movies. Mr. Fitzgerald was found in a rented Murano parked off Guilford Avenue loudly arguing with Latasha LaMay, AKA Tyrone Samuels, 24, a known transsexual prostitute with a long record of prior offenses. An open bottle of vodka was in plain sight and the suspects were ordered to step out of the vehicle. A search incident to lawful arrest revealed a package of methamphetamine, a small ziplock bag of marijuana, various pipes and other paraphernalia, and a small, plastic cage containing three gerbils.
"Those arrested will be arraigned in District Court beginning at 9:30."
I called Boswell at the newspaper. “Is this on the level, or are you fucking with me?â€
“Honest to God, that’s the exact copy we got in the City Room. I thought you could do something useful with it.â€
“Oh I can,†I said. “I thought that “The Block†was pretty well tolerated by the city fathers. Why the sudden crackdown?â€
“Mayor Dixon’s been taking a lot of shit about the murder rate lately. So she got on the PC and the State’s Attorney’s asses about making a high-profile, anti-crime initiative to make it look like she was doing something.â€
“So they decide to cut the murder rate by busting hookers and trannies?†I asked.
“Uh huh.â€
“And Lockwood just happens to get caught up in the middle of it?â€
“That’s about the size of it. The Duty Captain says he was in town visiting his mother. Wonder how the old broad’s gonna react when she finds out little Steven’s been putting other people’s things in places they don’t belong?â€
“I wonder how Jack Lawrence is going to react when he finds out ol’ Kurt’s been two-timing him. Thanks, Boswell. I owe you one.â€
Edited by TonyMalice (07/02/07 10:03 AM)
_________________________
It HAS to be true. I read it on the Internets.
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#256357 - 07/02/07 08:40 AM
Re: ***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 549
Loc: Pittsburgh Pa
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I agree to that...its very well done but i think the gerbils is a little over the top...
_________________________
"Alexis Bledel, aka Rory Gilmore. I wanna do her and Lauren Graham at the same time...but only if they stay in mother/daughter character...or else it's the rubber hose for the both of 'em." ~Vizzle
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#256359 - 07/02/07 09:34 AM
Re: ***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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There's nothing about this on the State's Attorney's website, or on Lockwood's website, either. Although, after referring to himself thusly, he should be arrested: Quote:
Once every few generations
a man of greatness comes along...
a Hero, an Inspiration,
A PATRIOT.
I shit you not. Click Here
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#256360 - 07/02/07 09:57 AM
Re: ***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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Mr. X strikes again.
_________________________
There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#256364 - 07/02/07 12:19 PM
Re: ***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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Quote:
Sweet Link! Doesn't work at all.
Then it has something in common with your penis.
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#256365 - 07/02/07 12:48 PM
Re: ***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Quote:
Sweet Link! Doesn't work at all.
Then it has something in common with your penis.
And his brain. The link works just fine. Time to lay off the 
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#256366 - 07/02/07 04:42 PM
Re: ***BREAKING NEWS*** LOCKWOOD ARRESTED
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 9195
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Quote:
Sweet Link! Doesn't work at all.
You are just the dumbest person I have ever met. 
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