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where can i buy one of these owls? do you suggest a great horned owl or a barn owl. a screech owl? that would be so badass if i bought some bird of prey simply to eradicate all of the loud birds in my neighborhood.

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Last year a huge barn owl i subsequently named "Marvin" moved into the large barn/Shed on the edge of the property I bought up in Mendocino (Owls Never build their own nest, they simply usurp the nest of some other weaker, dumber bird...or help themselves to a building or part of one...) Marvin was really cool, and quite Horny according to some female environmental/wildlife expert from Eureka who happened to be lecturing in Redwood Valley at the time ...

Shortly after i moved up there and was more concerned with what the hell to furnish my house and what all the mexicans were doing out by the fenceline in the woods ( being as I now lived in an area where the 1960s were still going on, I had no clue as to what should adorn or furnish my place beyond tie-dyed curtains and bongs or pictures of bongs) my Uncle told this environmental priestess to stop by and see what was to be seen...she pointed out this large pile of Owl turds and feathers in my barn that indicated Marvin had been busy fertilizing some female Owl/her eggs. Now I am not going into detail about how Owls fuck but it sounded like something akin to Bukkake, like the male owl just splooges all over the place and hopefully hits the target on the female owl/her eggs.

My suggestion is it is possible to have Marvin or someother Barn Owl rape and fuck to death these annoying cardinals/songbirds, if we can keep him out of ouch with other female owls for a long period of time. I am back in Connecticut right now, but I can place a call if you want and get things rolling with the capture and transport. I will even foot the costs if you promise to videotape and post on Youtube the raping/killing of the birds by Marvin (or one of his owl-thug friends, he may have flown north to Vancouver to be with his other concubines in soopergriz's neighborhood.)

Awesome shit:

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Hunting & Food: Great Horned Owls (and certain Barn Owls) hunt by perching on snags and poles and watching for prey, or by gliding slowly above the ground. From high perches they dive down to the ground with wings folded, before snatching prey. Prey are usually killed instantly when grasped by its large talons. A Great Horned Owl may take prey 2 to 3 times heavier than itself. They also hunt by walking on the ground to capture small prey or wading into water to snatch frogs and fish. They have been known to walk into chicken coops to take domestic fowl. Rodents and small rabbits can be swallowed whole while larger prey are carried off and ripped apart at feeding perches or at the nest. Birds are often plucked first, and legs and wing tips discarded. An extremely wide range of prey species (at least 253 identified) are captured, but rabbits and hares are its preferred prey. Mammalian prey includes all coexisting rodents, squirrels, mink, skunks, raccoons, armadillos, porcupines, domestic cats and dogs, shrews, moles, muskrats, and bats. Bird prey includes all other Owls (except Snowy Owl), grouse, woodpeckers, crows, turkeys, pigeons, Red-tailed Hawks, bitterns, Great Blue Heron, ducks, swans, gulls, etc. Reptiles include snakes, turtles, lizards, and young alligators. Amphibians include frogs, toads, and salamanders. Other foods include fish, large insects, scorpions, centipedes, crayfish, worms, spiders, and road killed animals.
Pellets are very large, about 7.6 to 10.2 cm (3- 4") long and 3.8 cm (1.5") thick. Pellets are dark greyish-black and compact. Skulls as wide as 3 cm (1.2") are regurgitated whole. Pellets are regurgitated 6 to 10 hours after eating.

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