You adopt a Florida Panther.

It's like a puma but with a cooler name. You starve it for a week. Pass stuffed birds back and forth over its cage out of reach. Taunt it by showing video of St. Louis killing the Tigers last year. Tell it that it would have had a better childhood had not it not been molested by Cardinal Law of Boston. Let it know that its father was black-balled from Stanford since he wasn't a "black" panther.

Then let it loose on the neighborhood right when the morning aria begins!!

If there are any objections:

1. Make sure to emphasize that the [state you are in] Panther is an endangered species that should be allowed to return to roam the wilds of [fill in the neighborhood name] which was taken from them by Liberals - THOSE BASTARDS! - who drove them out to make a non-Christian habitat for alternative-lifestyle rats and turkeys of dubious parentage.

2. Make sure the cougar has a silver "Property of Paris Hilton" plate glued to its pink sequined collar.

3. Forget where you heard this plan.